Nihilistic Equations

Excerpt #14

2010-11-06T02:08:00.002+04:00

Life is the answer that has no question...

A Melody

2010-10-30T23:26:00.005+04:00

Emanating from Silence...
Heading for Silence...
A melody is always permeated by silence in between...
Threatened by it..it always struggles against it.
Yet silence is the inevitable fate.
As immortality is but through silence..

Like forests on fire..
Silence actually refreshes the melody's soil...it renews it.
Silence contains all the melodies together.

Singled out of the Silence's infinite spectrum
A melody is a lost existence.
destined beforehand to vanish..
destined to return...
A melody is a doomed existence.
Whose goal is to reach silence uninterrupted.

Delimited by Silence at both ends..
A melody is itself but a side of it.
Silence is Everything
Distributed on all melodies.
A melody is nothingness
Whose possibilities always sound of Silence.

Excerpt #13

2010-09-25T12:47:00.002+04:00

"That girl was soo good that my dick could not help but give her a standing ovation..."

Work

2010-09-21T15:52:00.001+04:00

How Can I love you...

when I slave for ever more?

How Can I protect you...

when I am threatened at every shore?

How can I honor you...

when I am beat as a whore?

How can I calm you...

when I am insecure as a little boar?

How can I find you...

when I am reflected on every core?

How can I embrace you...

when I believe in never more?

How can I have you...

when I am broken at every door?

How can I elevate you...

when I am but a gravity towards no floor?

How can I get you...

when I am all anger empty of any roar?

How can I dance you...

when I can't know what I am standing for?

How can I know you...

when I am an anonymous further more?

limited to no whole...

I am a hero forever ripped off of his glory...

I am a human without his existence...

I am a question with no mark.

Or a sentence with no start....

How can I love when it's never enough....?

It's an agony when life is not worth your precious love.

Excerpt #12

2010-01-13T18:27:00.003+04:00

..and if I am nothing to god then I am nothing at all and if god is nothing then I am all. Actually, it's either us or god.

The Chosen One..

2010-01-13T15:02:00.005+04:00

"Every humanism is either grounded in a metaphysics or is itself made to be the ground of one. Every determination of the essence of man that already presupposes an interpretation of beings without asking about the truth of Being, whether knowingly or not, is metaphysical"

Martin Heidegger.
-----------------------------------------------

I was in Starbucks the other night --Korba branch. I was Reading a beautiful essay for Martin Heidegger that was called "A Letter on Humanism". The essay was so beautifully sophisticated and attractively engrossing and enlightening that I could not leave it and go answer nature's call by heading for the gents' room to pee until later on when I could not keep on putting it on hold any longer. Additionally, in contrast to every one else there with me who were sitting in groups...boys and girls...I was sitting alone. But I had no choice, I actually had no choice but to take with me only the small valuables which I could drop into my jeans pockets and leave pretty much all else behind on the table till I come back: my jacket, my leather bag, the book of essays, the notebook, the pen along with the 4-pounds-worth small water bottle and the 17.5 pounds-worth tall hot-chocolate drink. After all, we were supposed to be all civilized people there...those were all beautiful people...beautiful boys and girls.

I could not wait to get back to that article again. On my way back to where I was sitting, all my undivided attention and my mellifluous thought streams were so attached to, conditioned by n channeled on that article that I could not exactly take much of a notice as to who that boy was at the far end opposite to me or what he was doing standing like that at the glass door of StarBucks keeping it slightly ajar, in truth, on my way back to my table, we eyed each other briefly but not enough for me to tell who he was or what he was trying to do by being at the glass door like that. So I sat down...my back now was to that glass door where the boy was and as I was leaning forward to get the book back up before me and resume reading again. I observed that all the people around me were stealthily looking behind me...at the glass door of Starbucks...some were waving, some were doing some movements with their hands and some were just jokingly looking. So naturally, out of curiosity I as well turned around to take a look myself at the door and see what it was all about. And there he was, one of those homeless boys...aka street kids. No older than 15 years old at max. Pleading and making as if he was hungry...pointing at his tummy with one hand and with the other he was still keeping the door ajar. He was rubbing his tummy with one hand...asking for money to go get something to eat. Whilst the others around me, some of them was trying to act "cool"...the boys were trying to look smart before the girls; they were all like "hey you..u don't fool me with those little moves u lil weasel..go back to ur street master...tell him I could not fool nobody" and some were just acting as if they don't see him at all --but how could they?!! - Actually, They were all accusing him and he was begging them. They were all accusing and he was all begging. It was all an inverted situation before my eyes...as I was not much certain who should actually accuse whom in a situation like that. Frankly, back then at that time I was not at all that busy with those people around me trying to analyze them like that as these words may indicate now. I rather without thinking glanced at the boy at the glass door as if communicating with him...telling him to please wait & hold on a bit even more...and I automatically found myself opening the zipper of my bag, reaching inside. In my hand now was a certain wad of money...I could not afford bothering to count them...I stood up and hastily walked to the glass door behind me where the boy was at...keeping it still ajar. I silently put the money back into the open palm of his extended hand. He muttered something, I could not exactly recognize the words..or even now I can't guess what they were exactly. The boy took off immediately after that and then I had to get back again to where I was sitting. All was eying me now...as if I did something out of place. Maybe it was indeed but that was the last thing to worry about that night.

I was breathing heavily when I got back to sit again. My chest was heaving rapidly and my heart was pounding fast at my chest. I felt as if it was it...like I was gonna die...right here in StarBucks...I have not yet finished reading that essay yet. I thought to myself. All in all, I was not one bit frightened...a reassuring smile continued to dare growing even bigger on my face. They were all still eying me from all around me. It would be wrong to think that I now condemn those people or I question their goodness, no, not at all. I am sure they are good people...they're still learning. And I myself have fallen in their errors many a countless times before. I can never condemn them for they are not ready yet...for each of them was the other's tight chain; each of them was the other's prison cell guard. They were all in fear, cowering so deeply into themselves...they were the ones who were truly asking for help and not that boy who took off minutes ago. For they were afraid...afraid of life...afraid of giving. But I was not separated from them, actually I never was connected to them more than I was the other night. In fact I think that none ever got to connect to them as deeply as I felt myself was that night. I was still breathing heavily. And I suddenly felt that the veil that is my body has now been lifted...once n for all..and now I was connected to all of them...not just the people in Starbucks that night...but even the ones outside...the ones on the streets...the ones in their homes...all the people whom I know and whom I don't, not just in this time or era..but people of yore and those in future. I felt connected to not just the people in my country...but to all the people all around the world. I felt connected to humanity. I felt I was not a single member of humanity. I rather felt I was all of it in its entirety. I felt I was myself humanity in its completion. I was in paradise...and it dawned on me that each of us can truly be his/her own paradise or hell. Moreover, just like that...each of us can be his/her own tomb as well. Each of us and no one else can condemn him or her self to either hell or paradise and just like that each of us can condemn him or her self to eternal oblivion. Simply, each of us is his/her own true GOD...and no one else is. And you admit yourself into that paradise not as a reward of your mere conviction of yourself as merely just a "good' person. Or just because you think yourself to be a good person out of the fact that you never actually hurt anybody or that you helped some people out you should expect to "experience" such paradise in question. This paradise rises first and foremost within you and then it gets perfectly projected all around you. It permeates the whole being of the universe that's being disclosed and unfolded before your eyes. And it's a transcendence beyond all fears and it comes a result of your discovery that you in fact are not separated from all beings around you...that you all stream and pour into each other the entire BEING...that you and each one of other beings are rather in yourself THE one BEING...and each of you is still in itself rather that intact and undivided one being. That paradise becomes you when you save the whole humanity...by being the entire humanity itself. That paradise is revealed as yourself when you save the whole life..knowing for sure that you like any other being is the whole life in all of its entirety.

That magical state of being remained with me for a while...till I somehow felt I had to come back again...this time not back behind the veil once again...no...never...but actually back on the stage..where I still had a role to perform before a vast and hungry audience. I surely have a role to play...I realized that beyond doubt the other night..never again will I be an extra. The curtain's been lifted and I am on stage and the show must go on. And the audience need to realise that they themselves ought to be players as well and take crucial part...but they won't..won't dare to get up and climb up on stage to stand with me...no..not still..not till I myself first perform my role...before their eyes.

I could not continue reading the essay "A letter on Humanism" any further. I stuffed all my belongings into my bag and I stood up...that smile was still on my face. I opened Starbucks glass door and went outside. I walked back home. On my way back I bought a Heineken beer. When I arrived home...I had a light dinner with the beer...watched a couple of seinfeld episodes and then went to sleep. Not afraid never to wake up. I never will.

If there's anything I now feel I need to change about that night, it's that I now wish I had given that boy at the glass door....more money.
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An arabian girl once said:

"If your religion does not change you change your religion"

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Excerpt #11

2010-01-11T15:21:00.006+04:00

You know what?!! all fucking arguments aside...I just can't help but wonder how could a god who's supposed to be "infinitely merciful" ever have a hell in the first place?!! Such a god is utterly inconceivable..."infinitely merciful"?!!!! OH yeaa right..infinitely merciful and still damning people in hell for infinity...you know what?!! it's not a question that those people deserve to be in paradise and those in fucking hell...naah..not at all...it's a question of how could a god who claims to be "infinitely merciful" ever create creation that would deserve to remain and be tortured in hell for infinity to begin with?!! How could a god who's supposed to be infinitely merciful...ever boast having such a hell..and still keep on sickeningly brandishing it before his own mortal offspring...creation like that?!!! How could infinite mercy still correspond to that?!!! How could ever a god who's infinitely merciful ever approve of that?!! If you can't fucking find this...absolutely absurd and infinitely alarming to no end....I don't know what the hell is.

(IM)potence

2010-01-11T14:39:00.005+04:00

Can you make love to her without an erection?
Can you taste her without spilling her?

Can you make love to her as both the man and the woman?
Can you inhabit her without breaking into her?
Can you inhabit her as a god inhabits his temple?

Can you descend on her without crushing her?
Can you descend on her as muse on poets?

Can you make love to her not out of hunger...but rather out of.......Abundance?
Can you seek not completion in her...but rather a limit...a definition?

Can you fertilize her while springing out of her?
Can you cultivate life into her while pregnant of her?

Can you make love to her without ruining her?
Can you make love to her while salvaging her?

A man is never complete until he realizes in himself both the man & the woman...

Excerpt #10

2010-01-11T14:21:00.003+04:00

We're all gay...yes we all are..just as the gay ferociously seek legality by so "lewdly" insisting on their gayness..we humans also in our turn desperately seek legality by insisting on our own suspended existence...in all ways imaginable...legal and not. How ironic?!!

Precedence

2010-01-11T14:08:00.005+04:00

With the creation of every law..
Its outlaws first prove precedence..
With the creation of every sin..
Its devils first prove precedence..
With the creation of every hell..
Its fuel first proves precedence..
With the creation of every god..
Its disbelievers first prove precedence..
With the creation of every life..
Its death first proves precedence..

Excerpt #9

2010-01-07T00:06:00.004+04:00

And those people..their president is not down here on earth..amongst the rest of us but rather their actual president is up there in the kingdom of the sky. Pretty much all of their true --as opposed to virtual - citizenship and ownership are actually rooted in heaven. Therefore, you find them the keenest to do and say whatever it takes to divert your attention from the simple factual analogy that as their earthly virtual "president" is actually the main and sole sponsor of all evil in their country, God is in turn the main and sole sponsor of all evil on earth; they would fight and refuse to see and admit that as the president and his corrupt government are undeniably one solid & inseparable conglomerate, their god and their earthly president are clearly one too as well. For those earthly presidents are in truth God's constitutional corrupt government on earth.

Q. 'n' A. #11

2010-01-03T15:23:00.010+04:00

We were all gathered inside a dark room..all of us together there where no light whatsoever was present; absolute pitch blackness was the doleful yet still generous host to us all. I could not tell exactly who asked this but I heard a question coming from somewhere in that room sadly inquiring: "What could possibly be the saddest word ever?" The question dolefully sought to know. And similarly, and as with the question I could not tell either where the answer was coming from except that only just seconds after hearing it I got to realize that it was me who were elucidating it. Here it was.

ME: The saddest word has definitely got to be..."Forever". In every sense of this word, I clearly see and helplessly witness scenes some of which animated and many others stilled, eternally flooding with the complete anguish and ripping agony of the currently oppressed human condition whose entirety Mankind has always been pregnant with and in this word I vividly experience Man's hopeless infatuation with the absolute...the elusive meaning...the divine continuity and..indestructibility and Man's nagging insecurity and the dominant mastery of fear over his liberty, in it I see Man's aboriginal forlorn desire and his unquenched yearning to be GOD. It's kind of a lost battle where ultimately absurdity has to win in the end and continuity never at all learns. Yet, given all that, I think and do believe that this still does not necessarily guarantee for the victorious the last smile for it could still be recognized on the face of the ephemeral...ya even amidst the woes of your defeat, you could still act like a graceful winner. However STILL I do say, stress and repeat that "Forever" has truly got to be the saddest word ever for it's a promise you know you can't possibly keep while amongst us...yet you could not be more sincere when you had vowed it. "Forever"...although it's a victory of absolute absurdity it is also the truest of sacrifices from your side for only through death is Forever near and attainable. Forever is truly the saddest meaning...or concept ever for instead of it being the secured preservability of the reign of our ever-unfolding future it's sadly become the perpetualty of the past and all of its oppressive dictatorship.

Excerpt #8

2010-01-02T12:01:00.004+04:00

As semen can't rise up in bowed and broken dicks, Freedom never as well upsurges except through the erected veins of heroic lives.

I just wanna say something #10

2010-01-02T00:05:00.008+04:00

"For me, love and death come together. "

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Girl you just have to believe me when I say "your beauty is unmatched by any other in this world"...and also when I still soberly add that "in my eyes your value is above all other in this world"..you just have to believe me as you should be utterly confident that I can't at all be foolishly implying that the world has run out of any other beauty or value; or that they somehow have sort of escaped in you. My vision is not that impaired and you know it. In fact I would not be loving you for real had I hinted at that and..you know it. In truth you should know that any other beauty or value I find in this world has been found to be distilled from and colored by your own ever-mellifluous beauty and valued by your priceless value. Your unmatched beauty has become my own beauty as well; it's that essential compound that constitutes my own beauty through which I still manage to smile & appreciate this magnificent and bountiful life that we're nestled inside.

For what greater beauty is that than the beauty of an irreplaceable memory...one whose glitter still eternally shines along life-paths that we both know are untreadable save for the fearless unity of us both?!
For what sweeter beauty is that than the beauty of a melody that only we still hear instigating us both towards oneness of life and one which eternally honeyed our inner dancing flames when we had first transcended into that same place together?!!
For what more genuine beauty is that than the untameable beauty of absolute freedom that we both decreed and guaranteed for that ultimate creature of ours both?!!
And what more innocent beauty than the beauty of that inexhaustible world of curiosity we both represent to us both?!!
And what holier beauty than the beauty of that divinity that had blessed us both?!!
And what more glorious beauty than the beauty of humanity that we both immensely treasure into us both?!!
And what freer beauty than the beauty of a revolution that we both channel and stir into us both?!!
And what's possibly livelier than the beauty of that dance we constantly instill into us both...even when we're in the heavenly quietude of each other arms?!!

You are not just a girl to me...You're rather the world..the life..the value...YOU ARE ME; you are my provenance, my history and my interpretations; my equations; my never-ending possibilities..you're my project..my fail-safe and my NIHILATION. We two are one divine godly being immanent from the distilled unison and impeccable fusion of two opposite sexes. Girl, we two don't own our freedom...we're rather owned by freedom.

Your beauty is unmatchable..incomparable. You should believe me.

Ps.
If you asked me I'd say "Yaaa, I am still single.." yet deep down you should sense that I can never be "single".

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Excerpt #7

2009-12-25T03:15:00.006+04:00

It's a hazardous feeling being on this very unstable brink of life; Nothing is no longer taken for granted --even yourself...actually especially yourself -and you do then know that you can't possibly afford to simply turn around and go back there again into those crushingly dense wastelands where you've come from...no, not after all this, and as a result you find yourself with only two options: You either yield to truthful but yet still untested temptations and jump off this very epileptic edge that you're ephemerally upon...or you wait and wait till your destiny gets decided by these very meteoric forces of your own treacherous imbalance.

Like a Meteor..

2009-12-20T14:25:00.002+04:00

Like a Meteor...I break in uninvited and race towards my nothingness...
Like a Meteor...I gravitate towards my finality...my destiny...my spotlight and my immortality...
Like a Meteor...till I crash into your arms...

Like a Meteor...The closer I get the more dissolved in my death I become...
Like a Meteor...I disturb the restless quietude and calmness of your atmosphere...
Like a Meteor...I shed my burning layers...
Like a Meteor...I peel off my temporality...
Like a Meteor...till I float in my free-fall...

Like a Meteor...Existence is no longer my Grave...
Like a Meteor...I diminish into my sacrifice...
Like a Meteor...An upsurge out of my coffin....
Like a Meteor...I nihilate the ego of the universe...

Like a Meteor...I disgrace Existence...

Like a Meteor...I derail meaning...
Like a Meteor...For whatever reason was I put on track for?
Like a Meteor...Till I am buried on your ground...
Like a Meteor...Exhumed and forlorn...till I am found on the ground of a dream...

Like a Meteor...till we're STARS...

Excerpt #6

2009-12-13T14:14:00.003+04:00

In my honest and sincere efforts not to let my self slip into bottomless vehement misogyny I can't help but find myself --instead of misogyny - being taken over by severe and strong misanthropy.

Pearls of Wisdom #12

2009-12-12T01:45:00.005+04:00

In your continuous denial of Death immortality gets rendered but a governing delusion dragging you behind it towards your own extinction whereas on the other hand in accepting Death Immortality is glaringly revealed as your own staring perpetual reality and it saturates you and it saturates your godly vision that shines on to the whole life around you a different and new kind of conquering rays. In your undisturbed refusal and systematized forgetfulness of Death Immortality gets thinned down to the fragile being of an unreachable destination down a never-ending road upon which you've been perched like a setting duck; it becomes the mirage that you're slaving towards...in vain, whereas in embracing the nihilating Death that's resident inside of you as your own nucleus, Immortality halts the passive avalanche of time and stands divine as the Now that encapsulates you from within and circles you from all sides. You become God.

Excerpt #5

2009-11-15T22:00:00.002+04:00

Fear makes tasty; Fear is the salt of the deed. Taste and savor for yourself to find out.

Moving the island...

2009-11-14T17:44:00.022+04:00

Less than 4 hours to go till the big game; less than 4 hours to go till the true engagement in what must be a true and sincere heroic battle that aims to expand and stretch reality beyond what was in cowardice thought to be possible and to additionally prove that while knowing and admitting that this current reality is undeniably ours it can still be partially modified to accept and receive inserted changes of our own that may actually have the sweeping potential and power to later on nihilate the current reality completely and propel another one to the surface.

Well, I am a spiritual person and I honestly can't help but see true human spirit tautly at work and in action all around me today...the collective human spirit in all its defining glory dedicated to wrenching an aspired altered reality out of an infinitely chaotic array of possibilities. I know I have previously stated I am not a fan of football...but I know I am a fanatically passionate fan of humanity and a true believer in their collective INHERENT power to change and inflict and dictate deserved dreams upon the molded shape of the reality of present.

To me it's not just a football game that is going to be aired on TV today; it means to me --and many many many others - a lot more than that. It's a faithful attempt to get elusive answers to some very argumentative questions and also to get to the bottom of some negating doubts that I think don't merely just have to do with football contests but rather it exceeds such mundane competitions to reach a point where they in truth have to do with the validity and legality of some possibilities and alternative realities especially when coupled with such Promethean and honest efforts and the sincerity of such electrifying vibes of roughly 80 million individuals in support of their team who today would be a free-willed instrument in these same godly hands that keep on writing and dictating life scenarios and realities and facts which since the very onset of life have us all in check. Well, whether I am someone who loves or actually is obsessed with finding enchanting patterns in life or not...I have to say that this unified will that transcended in all its originality all earthly pains, despairs, limits, destituteness and fears which are constituted by the same confining status-quo whose acclaimed indestructible steeliness is now under relentless analytical examination must absolutely be respected and revered. These intoxicating cheers of 80 millions individuals do not just in fact egg the players on towards the opponent's goal but rather the ulterior goal here is to shake off these tightening reigning nets of the current status-quo that had been wound around our identities since very long aeons. The state of the streets now indicate that people in Egypt still have the intact ability to unselfishly dream big and still have the capability to hope that things would truly still make sense; to verify that they never ceased to...they still dare to believe that they could truly inflict a winning score...and it indicates that people have not yet surrendered to the insanity of accepting the dictatorship of a wrongful fate --to those of you who're LOST fans, I say that Egyptian still have the conviction that they can truly move the island :o))

If all these......are NOT sufficient to move the island around...I am not sure what is?

Excerpt #4

2009-11-04T00:11:00.002+04:00

WHO ARE you to even like me?!! You're nobody to me...

I just wanna say something #9

2009-11-03T14:46:00.016+04:00

إذا الشعب يوماً اراد الحياة
فلا بد أن يستجيب القدر
ولا بد لليل أن ينجلي
ولا بد للقيد أن ينكسر
ومن لم يعانقه شوق الحياة
تبخر في جوها ، واندثر
فويل لمن لم تشقه الحياة
من صفعة العدم المنتصر
كذلك قالت لي الكائنات
وحدّثني روحها المستتر
ودمدمت الريح بين الفِجاج
وفوق الجبال وتحت الشجر
إذا ما طمحت إلى غاية
ركبت المنى ونسيت الحذر
ولم أتجنب وعور الشعاب
ولا كبٌةَ اللهب المستعر

أبو القاسم الشابي
------

للأسف....يؤسفنى..بل و يحزننى أيضآ القول أن القيد لن ينكسر و أن القدر لن يستجيب لأننا بكل بساطه شعبآ لا يريد الحياة بل يجرمها...نحن فقط نريد الآخرة...منتظرين وقوعها بفارغ الصبر. ففيها الإنصاف المنشود و النصر المبين و الموعود...الموعود لنا نحن فقط...نحن الذين تركنا الحياة لشياطينها و إنتظرنا الآخرة و حورها.

-------
ومن لا يحب صعود الجبال يعش أبد الدهر بين الحفر

أبو القاسم الشابي

Ps.

According to a relatively recent Gallup poll, the Egyptians are the world's most religious people.

Freedom

2009-11-03T01:56:00.003+04:00

We harbor the Abyss but unfortunately we don't harbor paradise; for it's outside the mortal perimeters of our imagination. The Abyss on the other hand is intricately installed into the deepest machinery that govern our divine nuclei; it's deeply seated into and permanently wired to our pulsating cores; tearing it away from our cores would simply translate into our perdition. All that freedom does is that it opens the vision gates that lead to the abyss wide open and leaves you there stranded alone locking eyes with it...Freedom forces you to face the Abyss in you and consequently forces you to face its menacing gaze right back at you as well. Unless you're infinitely justified...and able to hold your ground above the Abyss's deafeningly hissing rage while crossing over it to the opposite side without falling unconscious into its relentless fiery tongues...it will rise above you from within you and swallow you whole down its bottomless falls.

Excerpt #3

2009-11-02T18:04:00.002+04:00

I really can't understand girls who would not show their boobs whenever asked.....POLITELY. I almost hate them now..

Critique of Happiness

2009-11-01T17:40:00.008+04:00

Well let me first make it clear from the start...Happiness is a good thing. We all agree on that. Ultimately, it's what we all seek and are actually after. In one way or another, some think that they've realized it and others think that this is not the real one --if there be in this world -- and the rest are still on the search for it.

Hadn't we all rested upon one final definition of the word Happiness...hadn't all the "happy people" been able to articulate the same sentence to describe their state of intoxication it would have been much easier for the ones still on the search to know what exactly they're after and how to attain it as well. Had there been any defining symptoms to that so-called feeling of happiness, its passageways would have been much clearer to all of us. The ways that would lead to that agreed-upon destination would have been made public and crystalline to all. But from the current status-quo and present situation it seems that most of the living people are at loss to what exactly leads to feeling genuinely happy. And since till now there are no conclusive definitions to that state of being then I can assume that there are many types and kinds of it...some must be real and others are necessarily not. And now I am gonna start criticizing or actually uncovering a certain type of happiness and show how it's been miscalled as so and additionally attached to happiness just to confound us even more...as I SUBJECTIVELY do think there's but one real type of happiness which is different from the others and now I will shortly also divulge the fact that this fake happiness is in-itself not happiness at all; within it true sadness is still intact and is being concealed and harbored...if not fed even more.

Haven't you ever felt sick to your stomach upon hearing the phrase "I am happy" after it being uttered by one of those so-called Happyers...or as the science of economics came to call them "Free Riders"? Well I have...or actually used to..but before I proceed I'd like to say that I don't feel any thing bad towards those people at all...many of them I truly love to no end. I just feel that I need to point out something here that does not quite add up and make it a bit more prominent before your eyes which is that the difference here between this fake happiness and the real one is exactly the same as between 'masturbation' and 'real sex'.

Since I mentioned economics and consumerism before and just above, I do liken this type of state-of-being that now is in question and which is misnamed 'happiness' to just any other property that one acquires by using one way or another. As in the sick bloody doctrine of consumerism one acquires properties just for the mere sake of feeling good about one's own self first and then for the purpose of flagrantly showing it off before others to prove his rising state of social position and rank based on his ability to acquire things and augment possessions. The mentality involved here goes like this: 'the more I acquire the more obvious it'll be how able I am to acquire even more and the more powerful and the more respectful and worthy of being aroud I would get in the broken eyes of others around me...and this seems to be a result of the notion that in others eyes and conceptions of others I'd look like someone who's less frightened to spend more in order to acquire more...henceforth my power and self worth' By the same token here, this certain kind of happiness gets the same obsessive treatment. The person here is at a dilemma as on one hand the 'Free Rider' shamelessly feels compelled to show off his state of detached happiness before others in any way possible in order to gain and secure psychological reassurance for himself and on the other hand s/he can't help but feel restless fear of losing it to others who might at any time slash its fragility with their closer inspection...or for ex. as a result of a potential attempt by any of them others to snatch it away from under his/her enclosing ribs. It's a state of being that's always threatened by others...or rather reality in general. At a more subtle level The free rider here feels burdened by his/her happiness instead of blessed by it by s/he does not show it of course --not because it's a responsibility, mind you of course- and additionally feels that s/he has to hurriedly and defensively keep on protecting it by using it up and consuming it down to its last moment of being before it expires or gets dispersed by others while they're still mired in the status quo and intolerant human condition they've always been into. And this consumption is like that masturbation I mentioned up there..the person involved here has to do it quickly and reach climax in no time before it's disturbed by others interferences or disturbances. While at it, he tries to envisage himself engaged in real sex but deep down he knows he/she is not...even if they're in fact coming. And after/through the process of masturbation he would feel compelled to go out and delusionally declare and break to others that he's just had the most wondrous sexual intercourse with the most beautiful of the living..and goes on reciting how wonderful it was and felt...all that while very likely others may very well know that he's but a lying masturbator yet still choose to blindly buy into that person's fake claims and illusions. It's a one kind of happiness that's not in good terms with life; it's afraid of life and always associated with an undercurrent feeling of insecurity and fear. And so long fear is concerned, the Free Rider can't help but boastfully brandish his fake happiness and deceptively express it before others and present it as a personal achievement of theirs and rightly acquired by his own powers and his own alone...all that while never able to give of it to or share it with others. This ephemeral state of being is falsely conceived by the Free Rider as a result of being preferred to others who happen to not be basking in the same blinding state as his/hers...a state that's deceptively conceived by the Happyer as a blessing sign of being superior or advantaged to those outside its selective sphere of inclusion and whom were not selected to be able to consume/taste it as he/she 'deservingly' had, the Free Rider thinks. This view I find to be so self-centered and so afraid to face anything outside itself...in order not to be disgraced in its light. And since literally none of us chose most of the facticity that surrounds and constitutes his/her being in this world such as his/her form, place and era and time of birth, social status and etc I find this kind of happiness to be wrongfully and unjustly claimed to be the happyer's own property that was acquired through his/her skills. Moreover, as repetitive masturbation hides behind it realities of deprivations, loneliness and lackings I can say that this form of 'happiness' which is based on this imposed and un-chosen facticity that one finds himself thrown amidst in this life is in itself hiding and stashing within its sustaining lies its other face and true being which is nothing but our disowned sadness and relinquished harsh reality and additionally it in itself becomes the best upscale cover that money can buy for that weakness, sadness and fear that are deeply seated at out core for the mere reason that hadn't it been for the existence of those who're not as much privileged and advantaged as any of us happyers came to find themselves to be upon birth, none of us would have known any taste or value for any of our granted positive facticity that constitute us and our partial reality in this life and instead of acknowledging those people's --the sad and disadvantaged - contribution --even if unintentional, indirect and purely out of nature...cos it's also out of injustice - to that intoxicative state of being that we call our own happiness and in which we wallow, the Free Rider vainly chooses the adverse opposite by denying and ignoring the role played by The Sad here to cause this fragile 'happiness' that s/he is now attributing to his/her fake power only that is in fact nothing but his/her own pathological ego.

And here and at this point the true happiness comes to drastically diverge away from the aforementioned fake state of self-deception as instead of striving to spend of ourselves to pay back those people who had a major hand in our feeling good about ourselves we tend to unjustly forget about them and deny them the very fact of their existence into our happy world...even if just for some time...till our possession of this feel-good state of being expires and we become once again on the search for something else to acquire and which we can afford to make us feel good about ourselves and which would refill out fake social power meters. So, instead of taking this period of feeling good about ourselves as a responsibility and energetically invest in it in order to prepare and strengthen ourselves to be truly able to base good feelings about ourselves on more just grounds through struggling to exert ourselves to shift the reality of those who are not as advantaged and play a key role in their happiness as well as they did with ours we do the opposite and leave them stuck in their sub-existence as if it's not our duty and responsibility to elevate them to the level of being true and active contributors and deserving shareholders of the dreams we dream for our own selves in our state of happiness; Happiness then becomes a barrier that separates people on basis of factors that none has any hand in or Over. I think only when we take our happiness as a responsibility upon our shoulders and feel it as a driving force for us will we truly feel the true power..the power of change...a power that's inherent in all of us by nature but is silenced by temporal fake state of beings that we regard as our maximum earthly achievements..well I do beg to differ...there are a lot more we can do and achieve...our happiness will be ever more lasting once we have it not from snatching it from reality as many of us currently do and then they claim ownership of it forgetting its aboriginal cause and root that have nothing to do with our "superior abilities" or any false beliefs that we're "preferred to" or "chosen over" others but rather when we have it righteously based and founded upon the lasting divine power in us, and which defines us as human beings and mark our glorious past...that is the power to INCUR and CHANGE...power to MODIFY and ALTER...to SACRIFICE and BETTER.

One example here I bet happened to almost all of us...and still is taking place in our homes; you find one of the parents strictly commanding one of his/her kids at the food table to quickly finish off --and entirely consume - his/her food as "there are people outside who don't have the luxury to ever dream of being in the possession of even the scraps of such nourishment that's sitting before us"...well though this is considered to be an innocent attempt of one of the parents to instill the spirit of appreciation in their kids yet it also pictures those outside the luxurious comfort of our homes as not deserving of this food and at any time or instant they LIKE THIEVES would take the chance to divest us of the right to enjoy this food whenever possible; like it's not their right and OUR responsibility to give them food that we currently do not happen to like or need or for whatever reason do not feel like entirely consuming. I think the parents here are at a grave contradiction as their message to their kinds is: instead of appreciating the fact that you can afford such food and give it to the needy outside your home --sine you don't want it anyway - you should force yourself to consume it entirely and never leave any bit of it to give away to those who are not as advantaged as you are...in this case that food on that table becomes my undivided and unshared property that came into my possession as a direct result of who I am and what I am able to do and achieve...which as I said I have not chosen in the first place yet I must falsely think I must be preferred somehow in order to fall into such delectable acquisition of such abilities and riches.

I think all the many types of happiness can actually be summed up in two kinds as they all descend from one or the other: one that results from taking and endlessly taking and the other one drives you to give...and the more you give the even higher you're gonna ascend in its endless levels...till you reach completion and become the manifested god that you truly are.

Happiness...true happiness is greater than our mortal selves it is a divine arcane energy that can not be apprehended by our fear controlled mentality...real happiness can not be contained into our confining selves..and therefore if it does not empower you to transcend this mortality-bound self of yours and give you the arcane energy and ability to do things greater than yourself then it's not happiness...at least not the real one I mean here. Real happiness is out there...it's contained by nothing smaller than life itself.

Excerpt #2

2009-10-14T02:20:00.000+04:00

You don't have to arrest me officer, please just give me 3 minutes and I will just commit suicide on my own.

The Mall Mentality

2009-10-11T02:40:00.003+04:00

I walk into the mall...but I am not alone; as many others do at the same time walk into it with me; hundreds or even more do..at all times. From all walks of life. Even the hungry and impoverished who are penniless and who don't have nothing in their tattered pockets to trade for objects inside the mall do willingly enter the mall as well. One wonders why? Maybe because they just are obsessed with stealthily eying the objects on display inside while from afar...maybe.

I walk in the mall and the multitude of people just amazes me. They're running in all directions...almost aimlessly..They're all looking for something to take home with them from the mall. Something they can call their own; On a subtler level It's like they're all looking for their lost identity. On top of that, I notice their unified attitude...how instinctively they're carrying themselves plus their shopping bags and how they so strenuously struggle to slip by each other unnoticed; how they successfully manage to avoid one another and how dexterously they manage to maneuver themselves so craftily so that one does not fall into or crash into another driven stranger or his/her bulging shopping bags. How they all select their paths like that without a hitch or a dent to be caused to the shopping bags they so addictively carry and which host "precious" objects of obsessions. All that, while taking into consideration how each of them is deeply oblivious to the presence of each of the others is a riddle to me. I keep on wondering...it beats me.

In the mall I notice that none is intentionally looking at any of the others...it's like each can surely discern the blurry existence of others yet they don't fully see them...exactly like bats or night owls it's the same strategy involved here so that each of those nocturnal birds can dexterously float by that automated swarming tides of blind creatures...but this time, it all gets carried out and actually is taking place not in caves but inside the mall. Well, except of course for me...who likes gazing at people at the mall and in fact dares to penetrate each of them directly in the eye..and often times I smile at them as well...or may additionally even say hi from time to time. However, I notice that my looks and smiles don't matter that much to them...nor do they stimulate them to stop for a while to act friendly back to me. In the mall, none is truly looking at or even for each other...they're too busy looking at and for objects which are for sale before they miss out on them and before those objects become extinct...they're too eager to find and get away with any good discount or bargain. It gives them a sense of achievement and self-worth. It distinguishes & sets them apart from the rest, u know?!!

In the mall...all are looking for the right thing...but alas in the wrong place. In the mall, money truly talks...in the mall the currency is too cheap. In the mall, it'd been instilled in the people that nothing is for free and every thing can be put for sale, so why not their souls as well? "Nothing can't be that priceless" Ya, so they'd think...so they were programmed to think. In the mall...people are at all times insatiably famished and they keep on gluttonously consuming their surroundings in vain while desperately hoping they could fill their ravenous holes that don't ever stop asking for more and more. They all obsequiously consume and consume and consume objects that so disgustingly look like all the other objects in the mall...and none ever dares to ever walk the walk and produce an artful face of NOVELTY. Don't they know that every time they seemingly pay for any tangible object they sell part of themselves away in return...and they sell it for relatively squat?!! They trade priceless and immortal divine parts of their souls for that ephemeral pleasure that they can later coerce out from the expired products they consume.

In the mall...Souls are constantly being consumed and incessantly being preyed upon. Yet, true Life is never for sale in the mall...for the simple fact that none is ever that RICH....absolutely NONE.

In the mall...every one wants everything yet none is willing to pay anything. In the mall, the strangers are us.
--------------------
Again Mortiis...
This time the vid is royally DISTURBING, BIG TIME indeed. I just wish to say that I do not condone such violence or gruesomeness. So everybody, especially females...please if you're of the type that gets easily offended...I advise you not to play the vid...or you can play it but keep your eyes shut. Ya do that...this song have been played today by me like more than 25 times...

That said, apart from all the shocking cruelty displayed in the video I'd like to add that I think this very song and the lyrics are just DIVINELY superb; Mortiis's BEST ever. The lyrics are just GOLD...the best I have heard since a very long time. They have been written by a GOD. Truly, it's what your soul sings.

Marshland
I have been here far too long.
In this lonesome twisted land.
Marshland...

It is deep and sickening.
I have to find my way back home.
Marshland...

The only way to find myself.
Is to descend deeper still.
Marshland...

I'm stuck and cold.
I'm stuck and cold in marshland.
I'm stuck and cold where life is
Plentiful but nothing lives.

A voice I know speaks to me.
Of self-deceit and mockery.

I search for life and sights to see.
Somewhere beyond this cold
Machinery. (So take me out of this insanity)

I'm stuck and cold.
I'm stuck and cold in marshland.
I'm stuck and cold where life is
Plentiful but nothing lives.

Nothing that I say or do, Matters to the
Big Machine. Nothing that I think or
Feel, Matters to the Big Machine. And If I am
Dead when Tomorrow's Gone,
the Big Machine Will Just Move On.

The Scar you Gave me Left my Soul,
Hollow Like the Love you Showed.

That Empty Shell you Offered me,
To me Further Away From the
Machine.
----------------------

You gotta love the way Mortiis sings them and especially how he says..."Machiiiieeeeeenah" and "Machieeenaryh"
Excuse me...I'll go now stand before the mirror (probably naked) and scream this song into ART; i,e; ya I mean sing it....DUUH..Whatever!!!

Excerpt #1

2009-10-07T00:19:00.002+04:00

Whoever said that it was english I am languaging?!!!

Blank paper.

2009-10-06T15:01:00.007+04:00

Klee's wonderful painting: Captive

Before the threatening challenge of the blank sheet of paper, all fall back headfirst into their tightening reins and all would not dare to start writing save for only one and one only. Here's the full story.

The Pessimist: His own self and hence his life is at all waking times burden upon him. He's always afraid to express himself let alone pouring down of his burdensome self on to a parched blank paper like the one ahead of him. That's pretty frightening for his type of people. He's always enclosed and narrowed down in an encaging shell of his...a shell fabricated by his own illusions and tightly weaved with his fears. Protected in his misery yet his protection is suffocating and crushing him. It's noteworthy that his so called protection is nothing by an avoidance strategy...he protects himself from life by avoiding it. He's afraid that whatever he writes, it will always be used against him in whichever and whatever way possible and he always will be incapable of correcting others and making them understand him properly...more like it, incapable of defining and marketing his innocence to them in their own market of firm prejudices. Despite his conviction that he's always a misunderstood and wronged innocence, deep down and in the court of his mind and thoughts he's guilty. Guilty before himself first before being so before others...and he always feels that there's a punishment out there that awaits him...lurking in the uncertainties and consequences of life. It's like the world...the whole life is out there to get him whenever, wherever and however possible; a punishment is always lurking outside; waiting the moment that would witness his decision to step outta the confinement of his shell. The endless vicious circle that he fell captive of is like that: He won't start writing unless he claims and secures his own innocence first...and he won't claim nor secure it until he dares to express himself and be consequently able to defend himself and his innocence in the aftermath of his expression. And he won't dare do that until he's declared innocent in the court of his mind first...and..

The Procrastinator: He's like...already living in the consequences of NOT finishing his deeds even before starting to do them. There are always these blaming voices that would so flagrantly put him face to face with his debilitated and diminished abilities which always precludes him from finishing whatever he starts. Therefore, in order not to lend this voices any legality he never starts anything at all. Same deal here, he's already blaming himself for not going through with writing onto the blank paper ahead of him till the end even before starting to fire ahead any word yet. Whenever he gets to tie his intentions around doing anything he finds his will is already penetrated by the blaming scolding harshness of his blaming voice telling him off. That same voice which dates back to his childhood. He never finished anything that got others' appreciation. There were always these voices that told him off and pained him upon finishing anything. Even when he found himself liking what he had finished...those voices would always submerge his own under their high and soaring volume till his own voice got ultimately totally buried in the locked tomb of the past. For him to resuscitate, summon and erect the solidity of his voice back again into the present he'd have to go all the way back again into the depths of his past's dark cellars...and revisit those moments again when his willpower would get so predominantly shot into stultification. But revisiting those times again, that's pretty deathly terrifying for him; that itself is a deed he's procrastinating...a decision that he can't pull and weave any sequences of organized deeds tightly around. And while still locked in the disguised present of his own you can say that he's escaping these rebuking assails of his voices by scattering himself and his indefinable will across several bottomless holes that would not give him time and quietude to listen to his own pale and faint willpower dictations...to recognize his will to finish what HE wants...a will to start, commence with and go through till the end a deed that he would gratifyingly call an achievement. An achievement that only the compass of his own willpower points so daringly to waiting for him to sail equally daringly towards. Bottom line is that finishing anything to him has gotten so intricately associated with failure so big to hide and a became stimulus to a relentless scorn from unsatisfied others. He can't envision himself finishing anything as he's got this conviction that he's too little to finish any deed..and the deed is always bigger and more towering than he could ever be. He got this conviction, back in those times when he used to get hammered by those voices whenever he'd completed anything. He stares at the blank paper and its blankness just petrifies him. It's too vast for his littleness to complete and fill. He stares at the blank paper and he's actually staring at the dark cellars of his past...it's has turned into a time machine and it roars at him the same voices he used to hear back then. The blank paper...its thickness could either cut and chainsaw through him even deeper or it would simply just cut to the present. His choice...His power.

The Perfectionist: He's still endlessly waiting for that perfect entry to commence his text with. He's still trying to figure out and summon the daemons of that one perfect word that would elucidate the fearful qualms of a potential misguided entry. For him to pen down that first word is the deepest plunge which if not infinitely calculated enough would very likely result in his own demise. The whole map of the article should be infinitely well defined and clear in his head. It's ins and outs and its sequences and how each paragraph would exactly result into the one that would follow. Each paragraph should be a perfect and infinitely logical consequence to the one that precedes it...and all words must be an infinitely right and reasonable consequences to that precisely and perfectly measured first entry that he's still trying to summon from the depths of infinity. For him nothing should be left up for chances or chaos to tamper with and drive into the realm of mutiny. He must be all over that article to stymie any attempt of it to seep out from under his infinitely tight control. And for all of that he's still waiting and waiting and waiting for that one perfect entry which is still is yet to land upon and perch upon him. Time is ticking and he have not penned down a single word yet, will he ever?

The Involved Lifer: Oh that one...He's editing already, he's always editing and adding and modifying and changing and replacing and going relentlessly and restlessly up and down across the obedient face of the paper. His self can be imagined as a fluid that's been spilled onto a frictionless surface. It's all over the place..there's hardly any bend, hole, realm or turn that it can't dare to take, jump in, access or enter. For him nothing is wrong while on the search for the right. Not a word isn't good enough so long it's followed by another coherent one that's along its fine lines. He's experimenting and experiencing and exploring and advancing...throughout his whole life time; His life...it's like it's one big solid moment that had first started at his birth and which will end by the death of this moment. Seeing his inexhaustible artistic verve I can help but wonder would he ever settle down on a final structure to that article he's so enjoyably carving and tattooing on the body of the welcoming paper down to him? Would he ever before death?
----------------------
The perfect moment...the right moment and and the right timing are all that what we're all desperately and endlessly waiting for. Just like the right moment for the next breath to be inhaled is always almost death...We are waiting for the right moment to inhale our lives that we'd never dare to fully exhale and spew out until death so apathetically forces us.
We're all perfectionists...in some way or another, we're all full of shit and ego. And in our vanity that we in our egoism call perfectionism/perfection, we all think that we as vain gods are above mistakes and errors...we're all procrastinating Life till Death. Ya We procrastinate Life till Death. We do. Not knowing that the perfect moment is but an illusion...a lie that we made up and believed. How could possibly a perfect moment ever exist in a world that's governed by our imperfections?!! I'd rather say that the right moment is always NOW.
What's wrong to be done now is never right to be done any time Later.

Meanings amongst Antonyms...

2009-09-24T13:53:00.001+04:00

I feel like Nightingale amongst The Deaf...
I feel like Prophecy amongst Hell...
I feel like Freedom amongst Slaves...
I feel like Innocence amongst Culprits...
I feel like Dance amongst Reins...
I feel like Family amongst Strangers..
I feel like Will amongst Shackles..
I feel like Heroism amongst Pigs...
I feel like Today amongst the Past...
I feel like One amongst Many...
I feel like Life amongst The Dead...
Like Garden Amongst Cemeteries...
Like Meanings amongst Antonyms...

Parasite g0d ||| I just wanna say something #8

2009-09-23T19:56:00.001+04:00

Courtesy of Sara G. here

I'd say that the chief difference that granted the west its progress, prosperity and much of that acclaimed heaven on earth that they're enjoying with their divine ability to actually see and create beauty whenever and wherever is that they've fallen in LUST (love with all its perverse, craziness and sins) with life...while we because of religion condemn it and condemn living it and condemn the living and those who aspire to experience life in every way "imPOSSIBLE".

Like any unhindered curious lover who's eager to discover, poke, stimulate and experiment with each and every nook, cranny and fold of the hot pulsating body of his/her endlessly wondrous and ever vigorous beloved's vast nakedness whom the lover himself guards in between the caring eyelids of his/her liberated INsight. So does the first world approach, advance and step up to and discover life in confidence, faith and curiosity. Such audacity and curiosity that we on the other end of the world and while cowered into our asphyxiating & squalid suburbs of life interpret as insolence and perverse and death.

In our filthy outskirts of life that have actually morphed even further into sickening death pockets we occupy ourselves with the profession and deathly purpose of condemning life and every feeling, attempt or faith that has to do with its enchanting verve. Like depraved Peeping-Toms we while comatose and in shackles stealthy spy in eager despair upon the living while they're in their akin-to-bee-hives life labs hoping in our enclosing paralysis and stillness that any of their creative experiments would just detonate and topple them down beyond the mountains on top of whose summits they talk with the galaxies and enjoy the warmth of a much clearer sun than ours to a featureless place much below the infinite null that's encircling us inside its unholy inescapable bubbles of segregation.

We condemn Life..we keep condemning it till we've become afraid of it. We dread it as if it's the devil's abode...as if it's his office at which he presides and from which he administers and issues forth his seduction...and manages his ongoing war against g0d.
To us life is a hopeless project while to them life is The Hope.
To us life is a Test while to them life is the Solution.
To us life is a Seductress while to them life is a Lover.
To us life is surrender while to them Life is the action.
To us life is Misery while to them life is The Cure.
To us life is a prison while to them life is The LAB of freedom.
To us life is worthless while to them life is worth it.
To us life is Death while to them life is Immortality.
To us it's either g0d or life while to them Life is the religion.

They'd die for life...
We'd die out of life...

I find this vid. below conveys my point and case quite very precisely.

PARASITE GOD

We are floating - Above the mountains.
Watching all the tiny people.
How they waste themselves away.
Obey themselves away.
How willingly - They lay their love.
How willingly - They sacrifice themselves,
To the locust master - to the one that drowned the world.
They love their Parasite God - Yet they crucify me.
How willingly - They lay their love.
How willingly - They sacrifice themselves,
To the bringer of hunger - To the one that drowned the world.
They love their Parasite God - Yet they crucify me.
I want to be your Parasite God.
So I can show you who you really are.
I want to be your Parasite God.
So I can show you who you really are.
They love their Parasite God - Yet they crucify me.

I have a genuine crush on Mortiis..I can't help looking at him and watching that vid. above. The video with the lyrics are to me a genuine masterpiece. And Mortiis with his attitude and ways of singing is making it a lot more appealing and attractive. I simply can't get enough of his awesomeness or his imposing charisma.

You Parasite g0d...UP yours.

Things I learned at the Gym

2009-09-13T01:48:00.007+04:00

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed."

Michael Jordan

Behind every big muscle, there's a history of pain.
You do not completely love anything unless you love its pain as well.
Pain means that a true new muscle is in the making.
Don't listen to nobody...don't wear them for glasses. You won't know whether you can lift that weight or not unless you go and know for yourself.
To lift that weight, you must be dis-burdened of your own self first.
Life itself is the biggest gym there is. In it, there are those who faithfully try and unfortunately there're also those bystanders who in their vanity and desperate desire to remain clean would mock you and make fun of your sweat beads.
To get the best results possible, you must be willing to get way out of your comfort zone and be willing to...YEEEAAA GET DIRTY. Get down with life.
Ya, size does not matter...what matters is life. As most of us have their muscles but they're hidden under layers of fat...Life which is your most primary muscle and it is hidden under accumulated layers of fat. To get to it, you must burn off all those life calories. Life is a hidden muscle. None sees it but without it, you're worthless. Don't let it get atrophied...practice it; or should I say LIVE IT?!!
Sometimes, you need to shatter/demolish/tear down/break down something completely in order to build it all over again...much stronger and customized as you exactly like it.
Ultimate final success...is distilled from repeated failures. Determination is KEY.
As fitness is required in sport...there's also fitness in life. And as you're required to exercise almost everyday in order to enhance or preserve your fitness level and keep it from plummeting. You also must live everyday if you wanna keep your life fitness. Otherwise, you're not fit for either sport....or life.
The first repetition is always the hardest. And now that you took it and you're basking in your excitement..repeating it is a challenge now...and every repetition is a challenge. It'll remain like this till you finish the whole set. Only then will you know your limits...yourself.
Your body knows really when to stop, you "think" you choose to stop now but you don't. You merely just procrastinate.
There's a difference between real Thinking and Doubting...a huuuuuge one.
There's a difference between real Reasons and Excuses...a huuuuuge one.
Well, I could say that I kind of feel that when I am working out I am like having some wild and maniac sex with a hidden daemon...that only I can 'experience' from deep within. You know! all the symptoms are there (the panting, the racing heart that's gone berserk, the sweating, and etc) but let me now tell you that working out is like a dance...it's a dance that only you can choreograph as it's an esoteric dance to the "pulsating beat" of your heart.

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

Michael Jordan

Divide et Impera

2009-09-11T01:47:00.002+04:00

Armageddon...
In order for God to Conquer...
He must divide...
And in order for God to rule..
He must torture...
And for god to be of any worth...
He must render life worthless..

Life Lab

2009-09-11T01:36:00.001+04:00

In the restless experimental Lab of Life...
Experience Art pragmatically...
And you'll draw beauty empirically...
Experiments are canvasses.

Things I share with God

2009-09-09T13:22:00.002+04:00

Originally posted in my previous blog (Gods' Cemetery) but thought I'll publish it here again cos I first of all personally like it...and I also added some new points as well...

Here's it. Things I share with God..the all mighty :)

Though each of us keeps other people's company, While we ourselves are lonely...with no second halves.
Each of us has his own hell.
Each of us has people that don't believe in him and has others that do.
We both want people to follow us.
We both don't show our true selves to the masses...at least until now.
He has his holy books and I have my numerous notebooks and blogs (3 blogs till now and many several notebooks with nothing but pure sharp insight.)
Each of us promise others a paradise in case they obey us.
Each of us has his own inflated ego. (Though mine is a lot more benign than his.)
Each of us has many names.
Each of us has his own right and wrong.
Each of us is extremely quotable, no? :D
Each of us likes watching people from above.
Each of us is letting so many bad and horrible things and atrocities happen before their eyes...without interfering at all.
Each of us has this one last war at the end of time that he MUST go through before being able to call it a life.

------------------
I may update this list later on, right now I just wanna lie down and sleep (God does not, huh? :D)
Thank you all...
Laters dudes and dudettes...
I love you all.

Pearls of Wisdom #11

2009-09-09T01:47:00.002+04:00

Bad kind of love is when you don't love the other person for who they are but rather for the mere fact that you enjoy practicing your ego on him/her. It's the kinda love or need where the other person would serve merely & solely as a grazing field for your gluttonous ego. You issue your ego on that person and it would insatiably keep on feeding and increasingly getting bloated and bloated till you ultimately mistake yourself for a god who can not lose anything...or anyone..a god who by nature and default owns and possesses and the other person would become now totally yours. You'd mistake your self for a god...till at some point and for whatever reason (regardless of that) you lose that person and only then would you get Obsessed..not out of love cos there's no obsession in love but out of the delusional sense of your stolen ownership and taken-away possession or property...out of the nagging pain of your violated lies that now face the facticity of your mortal nature. And you could of course imagine the wounded slashed ego of a god who feels that he's been robbed...endless bleeding that could end only by death or mortality that is. This love is fragile...this love is not love.

I just wanna say something #7

2009-09-09T01:07:00.003+04:00

"Suicide is our way of saying to
God, "You can't fire me, I quit!"

Bill Maher

If god had really existed, we would not have heard of some whales willingly driving themselves to the beach to die. Whatever the reasons are? Whatever reasons that would make life's value drop below zero and drive such whales to commit suicide...all "in the existence of god which they're supposedly worshiping". Isn't suicide supposed to be an act of despair and depleted faith?!! Isn't it supposed to be the biggest and most fluent statement ever of expressing the sheerest disappointment in God?!! Regardless of the reasons...God does NOT exist for the whales.

"There is but one truly serious philosophical
problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether
life is or is not worth living amounts to answering
the fundamental question of philosophy."

Albert Camus

Mazen Mason from the heart: #3

2009-08-20T00:33:00.000+04:00

Ezzayokom ya Gama3a? :)

In hours, I'll be leaving this country...my country....EGYPT...and It is an emotional process; I am a bit emotional. I got to know and actually met a number of wonderful and amazing people during my long stay in Egypt this time. To all those wonderful human beings I say....you are all an infinitely beautiful addition to me..a refreshing addition that I needed soooo badly. It's hard to say goodbye....nah msh awy...I said it many times before....hehehe :)

I learned a lot..especially during this time in Egypt and I had imaginary loads of FUN and enjoyment.

There was however this girl whom I did not get to meet...u can say I broke up with her...nah we both broke up...parted ways; ya3ny! She knows herself...she probably still reads this blog :) I wanna tell her that I truly wanted to get to know u better...and ya, meet with u somewhere and talk as well, wuda been great. We both like writing, don't we? and u know i find it sexy that u write in ur notebook in cafes....We could have been amazing as friends....and who knows, lovers?!! There was a point when we've gotton so close to each other that I thought we could never break up this coldly...DAMN WE!! and DAMN OUR FUCKING EGOS!!! Well know that my life is still open to you...I still find you an interesting person...my heart is big enough to contain u and cherish u as well. It's just your behavior was not explicable...I mean u had my number and everything...and we were supposed to meet and move ahead and make progress and move on to new levels...but u were just.....BLAH!! It's sad...for real. Everything that we had...just flew away like this...I don't know what to call it...let me just be blunt and just say...Cowardice...u think I "insulted you"?!!!...heh u should have known better...how could u call urself a friend then?!! It was like u were tryin to find an excuse...hadn't u known that u were in fact playing a game...n u know what I mean...like fucking hard to get...u'd not have fled like this...u should have known the reason behind my words and known that sometimes I get............BLAAAAAAAAAAH...whatever...reasons my heart's still open for u? well becus..mmm u still read my blog :) and...I know that u perhaps still have some feelings for me?...but anyway know girl that the next move should come from u; dont surrender, give in and listen to your bloated ego. KNow ya girl that...well u probably do...that I work, manage and preside over my life through decisions....simple as that....decisions and I carry them out...sometimes ruthlessly and coldly...if necessary...and I still have not taken that decision to completely omit you from my vast life.

LOve,

Mazen.

Mazen Mason...from the Heart #2

2009-08-19T13:30:00.002+04:00

DID I GO ABSOLUTELY CRAZY?!!!! NAH...I DID NOT...I rather reclaimed my sanity.

I have mastered the art of approaching stranger girls --I think it's high time Stranger was an adj-...just yesterday at the club, I approached 3 lovely girl whom I didn't know. ya 3 separate strangers distributed in 3 different places..in one day. One of them was sitting with her...assumingly...sisters, friends and a Man --I doubt he was her father. The other one was alone, listening to music while I thought she was writing some kinda thoughts or whatever, I approached her only to find out she was a doctor and "Mortabeta", the last one yesterday was with her friend...she was sooooo 2ammora I had to ask her for her email address. Days earlier, I approached a lovely girl who works in Virgin Megastore in City Stars --won't tell you which one but she's lovely. Days earlier, on the pool-side at the same club as well, there was this girl with that superb body of hers, a body to die for in Bikini...all the emasculated boys were looking at her while fucking drooling. It was me who stood up from where I was sunbathing and walked before their broken eyes towards her...and talked to her --I even got her FB id. Much much earlier, I was on the phone with the hot girl that works in the gym I currently frequent as a sales person...while we were pretending to be actually talking about the gym...ya3ny she was trying to get me to subscribe and become a member...telling me about all the types of membership her Gym offers...I asked her "Can we possibly be friends?"...heh and oh ya, there're more I approached..but the aforementioned were only during my current extraordinary stay in Egypt this time. Ya I mastered the art that my heart does not even race anymore now when I go speak to one of them. Power is a habit...I got used to it.

"But I am a professional..." Said the Virgin girl --I mean the one who works at Virgin.
"No, but you're a human being after all...and you have the right to know people.." I replied.
"Na, Maybe I am not..." she said, smiling.

You think I am excessively audacious? fearless? extraordinarily courageous? Well let me tell you a thing here...first and for most I am ALIVE and I know it, I practice it and that's it, and let me add that when you find someone who's this courageous...know that's he's either a fool or a philosopher; and not just any philosopher but one who has a purpose, cause, true passion, faith and a dream; a dream who's before its gigantic size and value his life is debilitated. You think I am desperate? who knows?! maybe ya...to a certain degree...I am desperate for a better life..a better and a different life for me first and then for all of you..who isn't anyway?!!! but again I have a life..a good one and purposeful one..I am LIFE itself..and u know what it takes to be this capable of being such an audacious a person? it takes LIFE itself...the whole LIFE..nothing less and I have it, I HAVE LIFE...I AM LIFE. And Oh ya, I am civilized as well..more than you can ever imagine...when a girl says no...I understand and leave her behind...in peace.

Who knows? Maybe I am meant to be lonely so as to continue with what I do and go even further with it...with this campaign I am individualistically leading as a responsible human being...but again even when I am with a girl I'll still do it...cos I have realized that it's my life's purpose. But where's that girl anyway aslan? The one who'd appreciate such purpose and steely faith of mine and be willing to be with me..for ever..to agree to breathe her life in me as I'd do to her too. To that girl I say "I'd love you to pieces...You'd win me totally...I'll keep searching for you in every crack, crevice, nook and cranny of life..I am completely willing to die for you."

Someday, I am gonna lead a sexual revolution in Egypt...I am campaigning for life. To those who are the enemies of life and humanity I say "FUCK YOU"...If this body is all you can take from me...then "FUCK YOU..TAKE IT YOU FUCKERS". Fear of death is a fear of FREEDOM..cos death is a responsibility and I am a responsible human being. After all, death is the only consequence of life.

If you think I wrote this just to boast and show off how courageous I am, then you're definitely right.
-------------------------------
Michael Jackson, You are A TRUE GOD...YOU ARE A GOD AND YOU CREATE TRUE HUMAN BEINGS...you're a true god and better than all the false gods the current emasculated humans worship.

Sing along bro. and sis. "GOnna make that change....TODAY..." "That MAN...THAT MAN...".

Sing ya MICHAEL...I LOVE YOU.

Relax in Alex

2009-08-02T09:39:00.002+04:00

Gonna be in Alex..up uptill Thursday...

Gonna think many things over...Introspect and relax....and take some very crucial and critical decisoins....I won't take my PC along with me :)

See u all then when I am back....Will surely have a lot to tell you...A LOT...

Pearls of Wisdom #10

2009-08-01T23:58:00.004+04:00

If you ever find yourself frequently saying "Had I ONLY known this or that earlier I would have done this or that differently "..or sometimes you're completely more drastic by saying "...I would have LIVED differently..." then know that either way...you're in fact still living in the past...your spirit is still locked up in its dark vaults; in other words, you're virtually still living in the past but CLAD IN THE DISGUISE OF THE NOW. As a result of that, ur saying this to justify two things: your helplessness back then in your past i.e; "why u didn't do somethin or lived differently?" So, u blame it on your ignorance back then...n the paralysis and despair of the present which is virtually nonexistent for you and the fact that it's nothing as different from that past...your past. You're in denial of your imitation of your past now. So, here, know the following for a fact: as everything happens for a reason...everything happens to serve another reason as well...and the reason why your past is like what you think it is...it's to incur you to use what u know now to live a different present NOW...away from your past...armed with it...thankful for it...as it is...but never threatened by it.

Pearls of Wisdom #9

2009-07-14T16:57:00.002+04:00

Life is like a desert...so I hope u don't get stuck in vain while stopping before a mountain thinking your way is blocked, know that the more you try to make a dent in that mountain the more helpless n hurt u'd increasingly feel. So, unless you can really move that mountain aside you'd better move around it now and realise how tiny that mountain actually is when compared to the unlimited vastness of the desert it's in...you'd better move around it now and realise also for a fact that there're many other welcoming spaces that need your cultivation.

Pearls of Wisdom #8

2009-07-12T18:11:00.001+04:00

Think about this: some ppl are just too poor..so poor that they hold on to and never let go of their misery n sadness just...for the mere sake of knowing that they at least have something to hold on to...

Pearls of Wisdom #7

2009-07-12T16:40:00.002+04:00

Equation of the NOW..
Now = ...

For the majority The Now's all about n actually is the past minus the future whereas for some others it's all the future minus the past...for me it's all the future in spite of the past...

Eureka!!! It's all in z begining.

2009-06-22T15:27:00.000+04:00

This's to show u that if we listen to what religion says...we'd know that this life is but a game god is playing...Gosh!! he must be soooo bored to have had "let all of this happen".

So the story goes...

So, God said he had created Man in order to test him...in order to give him the ability n free will to choose. That's the whole point according to God. Anyway as you know, one can only choose between multiple things....more than one option otherwise there would not seriously be an option aslan. We can sum up all these options by classifying them in two categories; 'What god wants and what god forbids' or we can distribute them choices between the categories of 'Good n Evil'...'right n wrong'. For all of this --life, the test that is - to come true and materialise there had to be a representative for what God forbids and deems Evil...for us to supposedly detest, struggle against and avoid. In other words, for this test --life - to be real n gain solidity someone had to exist to seduce you...to try to make u deviate...to decorate and adorn the "evil options" be4 ur mortal eyes. And now satan would come into play. This life..as it is now..as god wanted it to be --its test n temptation - required the existence of Satan..as he is now..as god wanted him to be now --with all of his perverse n disobedience...for me life (as it is now as god originally wanted it to be) equals satan. Now, obvious question is why did god then fly off the handle like he did when satan had disobeyed him n refused to bow or kneel be4 Adam? I mean what did God actually want? A life...a test as he wanted but without evil...without satan?!! come on that's BULLSHIT....god wanted life but without satan...without evil...without bad...then what were Man supposed to choose between aslan? Read On.

Second point, so God originally wanted to put Man on earth, right? He wanted to have all this so "purposeful" epic between good n evil on Earth to see who's really worthy of his paradise and the Hor --those hot yummy ladies - in them? --speakin of Hor, I wonder if homos would get male hors too or maybe they'd be cured then when they get to heaven...but I digress...so god didnt like want to put MAN somewhere else n then it was like Satan who through managing to successfully seduce Adam n Eve by making them eat of that forbidden tree coerced god into forcing him to make adam n eve descend on earth as a result, so far so right, huh? If so, then why did god first put Adam along with Eve in heaven in the first place if the whole point of creating them was to populate Earth and sire a race of good worshippers to God n strugglers against Satan...u know...life...its current nature....pass the test and yada yada yada. So, did god need an excuse to push adam n eve downwards towards this earth? Wasn't this his first plan aslan? Was he waiting for satan to err like this...or did he actually make him do that? Mmmm

As a result of the first couple's --Adam n Eve- eating of that damn tree they saw each other naked...n honestly I have to say I didn't know that Adam n Eve were that shy...were they even supposed to be like that? I mean something does not add up here; was that like a punishment for them for eating of that tree?! Were they not supposed to copulate and sire children...wasn't that the point of creating a man n a woman in the first place? I mean they were a couple, right? Adam with a dick and Eve...u know with -beeeb-..I mean then what was the point of creating eve like that in the first place when they were not supposed to see each other's weewee's huh? I mean they should have started a whole of a new Human race...keda blindly..without even taking a blink at each other's naked entirety. After all, a body is god's creation too..right? Damn this story has holes....

Comment plz...correct me if I am wrong.

n watch this vid...pretty funny...the guy's making fun of christianity but I can tell that same argument applies to all organised religions.

Circle of Life

2009-06-07T19:43:00.001+04:00

We're lying there in our bed; that has actually become our melting pot. Like two interlocked snakes we're wound up and looped around each other so closely and tightly in a way that you can not tell our naked bodies apart...we're into each other...our hearts beat together; they sustain each other. We breathe together...we breathe into each other. Nothing can come between us now...we've closed the circle of life now...and we don't want nothing from this world.

--? -#6

2009-06-07T19:27:00.002+04:00

Well, Let's agree that ideas traverse by means of wind...wind that carries and transports seeds of meanings from one mind to another.

& lets also agree that the dogmatic mind...the one of believers that is...has what's like high dams --their dogma or their impotent beliefs - that kind of obstruct the advancement of these benign winds and stymie them from sowing their seeds in those barren soils...that is of the dogmatic minds.

Hungry..

2009-06-07T19:11:00.002+04:00

I am hungry..

Wanna taste of your soul...

I am hungry..

Wanna feed of your core..

I am hungry..

Wanna sip of your hole...

I am hungry..

Wanna dip of your pore...

I am hungry..

Wanna life of your whole..

I am hungry..

Wanna pulse of your all..

I am hungry..

Wanna warmth of your whore..

Pearls of Wisdom #6

2009-05-27T11:55:00.006+04:00

Life is like a continuous talk show...and we're its innane presenters and producers. Deep down we know we'll never solve, change or stop anything of the shit we're talking about 'cos we actually are always in need of something to talk about...something to lend our show a meaning, purpose and most importantly we need something to fill the vacuous show's time with. As presenters of this ongoing on-air show...we'll never seriously seek to change anything as we know that once that happens we're going to inevitably lose our jobs n positions as remote presenters and thus become now faced with the inescapable grim fact that there's never been an audience ever before save our very own selves.

In you...

2009-05-27T10:45:00.000+04:00

In you..a destiny..

It's still not released..

In you..a will..

It's not yet a deed..

In you..a laughter..

It's still not believed..

In you..an arrow..

It's still not relieved..

In you..a hand..

It's still not severed..

In you..an alien..

It's still not unleashed..

In you..a probability..

O It's Freaked..

In you..Life..

O It's complete..

--? - #5

2009-05-24T11:43:00.004+04:00

I'd rather be remembered as someone who sold himself cheap for love than one who locked himself up in the precious ownership of his hate.

Pearls of Wisdom #5

2009-05-24T02:07:00.001+04:00

There're 3 types of people:

1) Ones who immitate.

2) Ones who Wish.

3) Ones who do.

We'll talk about them later...have to zzzzz now.

Mazen Mason...from the heart #1 --twitter.

2009-05-24T01:59:00.004+04:00

In a major step towards integration --what.ever!!! - and just for the sake of complicating my life even more...u can follow me here on twitter.

Never thought it'd be this lovable...I guess I was looking for a chance or a way to simply just utter whatever comes on my mind...yaah...

LIVE NOW

2009-05-24T01:39:00.001+04:00

why stare when u can see?!!

why chat when u can hear?!!

why online...?!!!

when u can live on time...

Live now...

Pearls of Wisdom #4

2009-05-23T23:53:00.002+04:00

So long you keep on lying; the more u try the more u'd lose...the harder u try the easier u'd lose

cos whatever comes ur way; it is meant for someone else other than you that's not even existent in between all those lies...

Explain

2009-05-18T12:00:00.002+04:00

Some things I just can't explain to you...
Some things whose light can burn out ur reality's wires...
I can't explain to you what u can't be ready to sense and understand on your own.
Had I been able to explain them to u...u'd have been able to discover them by urself due to ur natural curiosity about them.
Just as we can't hear certain frequencies...we can't understand the reality behind some terms and meanings.
I can't explain them to u for they're made up of meanings that are not in terms of ur mind. And they were not meant to be so.

--?- #4

2009-05-18T10:35:00.002+04:00

SO any fucking unemployed shitload of a fucking ignorant american, canadian, israeli or any other european asshole can freely cross the border, travel the world and enter any other country without anything from their side other than a ticket just for the mere fucking sake of looking for a job or most probably a whore or simply just enjoyment n fun abroad while we 3rd worlders must get a proof of salary, a no-objection letter plus bla bla bla to have the right to dream of the uncertain possibility of ever obtaining a visa in no less than 2 weeks time before being permitted to step outside our shitholes of concentration camps called countries? FUCK IT. Talk about BITTERNESS. hah...

Talk about ILLEGAL fucking immigration.

--?- #3 //Perfection or Vanity

2009-05-18T08:48:00.003+04:00

I am so tempted these days to get back to listening to and embracing Black Metal music. Its cult, its righteous anger and hopelessness...and hence liberty.

Like a rebounding addict...I feel my souls is itching for its euphoria...for it's melodious meanings...for its truthful void and its Graceless Glory.

What good has happened ya3ny ever since I stopped listening to B.M. ?!! Life is still empty; it's emptier than ever now...ppl r still crap..stupid and arrogant and shit...God's still increasingly fucking us and fucking up this earth and life like never before. I am still odious.

I tried...Excuse me...

I leave u with two of the best of black metal melodious epics n tales ever...I feel them so much...these 2 used to make me cry before get me high as nothing else...cos they so get to me and depict the current status quo n reality and speak the truth waaay better than any fucking word of any fucking god

--?- #2

2009-05-17T09:44:00.001+04:00

mmm excuse me Ma'am, ermmm I was just wondering, can we simply be friends so that I could LEGALLY harass you?!!!!!!!!!

Q. n A. #10

2009-05-17T01:47:00.003+04:00

So I have been here in Egypt for over 3 weeks now.
& during that certain day time we 2 were in Heliopolis club...sitting by the big pool in our speedo swimsuits after taking a dip.
We were surrounded by groups of young people in their swimsuits from all sides...boys and girls...all types of them and all ages of them...laughing and talking and laughing and having the pristine time of their golden lives...boys n girls..how sweet?!! Obviously, they were supposed to be friends, and very clearly they've been so for a long time yet that did not prevent some boys from sneaking some very loong looks down some very deliciously busty exposed hooters --or 'Vampire Biscuits' as I once read in a book hehehe- of the girls that were with them...as most of all those girls were overly hot with wild gypsy curly hair and big boobs, some of those boys were not actually so handsome boys at all...actually some boys were in fact ugly and vulgar and they were in the insatiably erotic company of some sizzling-hot busty curvatures of females bodies. So, I got to thinking about what would drive some girls --especially horny and fiery ones like these - to fall for such kind of "ugly" guys...is it the bad boy thingamajig? and if so whatever is that that makes them.....{interrupted}

Friend:"Maz. mmm *sigh* why're there still so many lonely people in this world?"
Me:"That's a good q my friend. Mmm I'd have to say for the same reasons why there're still so many unemployed people out there...yea my friend for the same reasons there're still all of these inert humane potentials. Just as some people can't find suitable jobs...that fit their qualifications and ambitions to pour all of their selves into...they can't find the right job that'd give them the chance to output all of their undiscovered locked potential towards the goal of carving a path for their budding and growing and lasting career in it...they too can't find that friend that fits their naturally qualified unique personality to output n share all of their true selves with. And even if those unemployed guys were desperate enough to take any job that comes their way...that'd not help 'em at all and they'd still feel as if they're unemployed...not one bit satisfied with what they got...that's actually called virtual unemployment u know?!!...tab3an u heard a zillion times ppl say 'yea I got many contacts but none of them I can call or consider a true friend'...equivelant huh?!! and by the time they get old enough to realise that they're being buried alive daily in these rotten positions...and decide to quit and put an end to that involuntary avalanche of skills, potentials and abilities of theirs and start working on improving and advancing themselves...unfortunately enough for them employers would then think that they're now 'too old to learn anything' and they'd get so damn cynical and ask 'where've they been all that long? they'd surely rob me if I hired them n bla bla bla.'...same with us...we'd start getting cynical and all shit with ppl who suddenly wanna be our friends....damn we...see now friend...it's all interconnected...so it's all about...{interrupted}"
Friend:"Maz. I see we got this ball right here...we have not used it yet today..how about we go talk those hot momas overthere into joining us in a match of volley...?!! huh?!! in?"
Me:"Yeaaaaaa....we're not that old yet I guess..."

Pearls of Wisdom #3

2009-05-16T17:45:00.001+04:00

"Of course, You may absolutely feel anything but the question should always be ' What are u gonna do about it...starting from now?'"

Pearls of Wisdom #2

2009-05-16T16:34:00.002+04:00

"Bitterness comes when u confuse the past for the present and consequently feel helpless before it for no reason at all other than the mere fact that u can not --yet - time-travel backwards and change the past as u presently wish it had been like."

--?- #1

2009-05-16T13:23:00.003+04:00

I have always thought that this blog represents the person whom I always used to dream of becoming --Yea Mazen Mason...it's you - the one I so strongly and vitally and desperately yet lively aspire to be; I always thought that this blog was but a desperate trial to scoop out the person that's already there inside of me...the one I already am and who's waiting to be discovered under these layers of fat --there lies my true power muscle that is. Lately, I've discovered that this blog does not represent who I truly am...for it represents the one whom I should be running from.

Mazen Mason...I still love and cherish u from the bottom of my heart..to me ur an undiscovered jewel that need appreciation. But, unfortunately, ur but a lie and currently I have to face some truths, facts or illusion --as u used to call them - in order to change them or discover their true nature.

Pearls of Wisdom #1

2009-05-14T23:18:00.002+04:00

"Just as you ought to see the bright side of every story...you also should seek the right in every wrong out there"

I notice very clearly that this is similar to the following quote by Friedrich Nietzsche:

"All things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

All the Qs. & As.

2009-04-06T00:23:00.004+04:00

Some come into this life with no questions
& pass out of it with some answers...
Some come into this life with all the questions
& pass out of it with no answers...
Some come into this life with some answers
& pass out of it with no questions...
Some come into this life with no answers
& pass out of it with all the questions...
Some come into this life with all the answers
& pass out of it with all the questions...

Mute

2009-04-06T00:13:00.006+04:00

I don't want no more words...
I have written them all
I don't want no more dreams...
I have dreamt them all
I don't want no more feelings...
I have felt them all
I don't want no more seconds...
I have passed them all
I don't want no more reasons...
I have created them all
....
I just wanna hear my own voice...

Lest

2009-03-30T12:08:00.001+04:00

We don't Joke...
Lest we're misunderstood.
We don't love...
Lest we're rejected.
We don't show...
Lest we're hated.
We don't look...
Lest we stare.
We don't do...
Lest it's wrong.
We don't want...
Lest we try.
We don't try...
Lest we Change.
We don't change...
Lest we live.
We don't Live...
Lest we die.
....

Balls to The Wall

2009-03-29T02:21:00.001+04:00

Now the questions is: Do I really wanna do it? or do I just wanna keep fantasizing about it like this?!! That's how the question should currently be like...'cos u know?!! at present I feel that I can so much do it...I feel like someone who can get this own way through the mires of whatever consequences. It's just I am a final push away from doing it. I have been aware of my being capable of doing it for some time now but I just don't swing it into action; so I am currently starting to doubt the credibility behind the thought that I ever actually really wanted it...but if I don't, what do I actually want?!!

I think that till now I have not done it for I am afraid that there'd be no stoppin me once I do it...I'd be afraid that this relatively tiny body of mine won't be able to contain the new life-sized me no more then...

One more thing, If I am to do it I am afraid that a new question would rocket up to the surface of my to-be boundless horizon then; a nagging question that's a lot more difficult and much scarier than the one mentioned above...that question is: If I could successfully justify and actually take such an unprecedented initiative in the direction of such limitless Juggernaut, what wouldn't I be able to do then after that? In other words, What else would I be able to justify and do that I have not at all dared think was doable and justifiable for a human being like me?!!!

Ps.
I really hate the vid. but the lyrics and the song really just kick ass...
It's about boundless freedom, rock n' roll and a lot of nastiness...
O My, Gosh what's happening?!!

I just wanna say something #6 -Die Living

2009-03-27T10:11:00.002+04:00

"There's Hope...but not for us"

Franz Kafka.

This is for those who cannot bear being one of us any longer...
This is for all of those who wanna die...this is for all of those who wanna put an end to their physical existence in this life. This is for all of those who think it's khalas not worth being with us any longer...this is for all of those who think it's not worth suffering with us anymore...for those who think that it's pointless bearing with us and putting up with the dire consequences of sharing their reality with us...this's for all of those who think that by cutting off their lifeline they would start a brand new one in another realm that's way better and more forgiving than this...and one over which they truly have control... one in which they'd truly experience FRee will. This is for all of those who think that there's no possible change for which they'd be encouraged to reconsider continuing being with us again...for which they'd reconsider being one of us ever again...'cos simply nothing will change...unless for the worse.

That's what they think...
To them I say the following...

Don't you think that you could still die but in another way?!! Don't you know you could die living?!! Don't you know that you could still shed off this skin of existence that's delimiting your full-on volition of freedom? Yea, you could simply just drop it...it takes just a decision...just a decision that should not be any harder to implement than your decision of putting an end to your physical existence with us here. Believe me, this substantial suffering you're experiencing is there for a very good reason; it's there for the good of life. It's there to move you...to push you to some limit...the limit of infinity that is. It's there to incur the real you to move. It's definitely not there for u to turn your back on it and your own self and "escape" them both like this; 'cos believe me it'll still haunt you in your next realm no matter what. Know that you are absolutely entitled to infiltrate us with your pain and sufferings cos your suicide is actually but more blood on our hands. Know that this pain you're feeling is there for you to scream it in our deafened ears...to awaken us up to your life, but first you need to acknowledge it and not run away from it. This poison that's running through your life's system; it's there to incur you to go on a one man demonstration...to go public with it; die living....shed it off before us all. This death sentence that was decreed upon the injection of each of the creation in this life, it always entitles you to have a LIFE wish, don't you think?!! Now is the time it came true...now is the last time you grabbed it; it's either now or never. Believe me, the rest of us herd are dying to see some unlikely hero like you who would lose himself and grab his own LIFE wish...I tell you for sure your wish will definitely come true so long you die for it...so long you die living for it.

I just wanna say something #5 -Innocent

2009-03-11T17:00:00.005+04:00

I am a young innocent man and no look of yours can shake that, I am a young innocent man and no stare of yours can incriminate me. I am young and Innocent man and no pointed finger of yours can open no wounds in me or make me doubt my innate innocence;and no negation of yours whatsoever can refute my innocence. Deemed innocent in the court of life and no judgment or rather prejudice of yours can ever deface my life-give innocence or take away my rights and discount me into one of you shackled clones. In the court of life I stand tall...proud of my all-out innocence...knowing that I can never be indicted by fugitives like you. In the court of life I was given the right and access to inexhaustible free love and no hatred of yours can ever burn away my love; no hell of yours can ever set my beating heart aflame. I am a young innocent man and no existence of yours can put me behind bars...no prison of yours can contain my life-sized innocence. I care for you to believe me, but I again I ask myself what do you know of innocence when you're in fact this deadened by carrying this death-long load of guilt upon your life's shoulders?! What do you know of freedom when you're locked beyond life behind your segregating cells of existence?! What do u know of liberty when you're ashamed of your own love like this? What do you know of logic when all that you do is tend to scornfully label your feelings this absurdly harsh? What do u know of dignity when you're a slave for your own torturer like this? What do you know of life when you regret your history like this? What do you know of innocence when you're willingly dipping your hands in your own blood like this?
I am a young innocent man and I am no body's victim...
I am a young innocent man and and not a slur of yours can slash my innocence...
I am a young innocent man and I bleed no body's else own blood but mine...
I am a young innocent man and I breathe life into no body's else corpse but mine...

25 things + 1

2009-02-28T13:16:00.005+04:00

These are some things about me...
I am not sure...
Let the bragging begin.

I know it sounds kinda bad...or even sad; but I have never been committed to a single girl before in my life..well I may have coupled be4 and I needn't say that I've fallen in love with innumerous ones too before but no commitment and such. Yes it saddens and bothers me much. I am not sure which bothers me the most the fact that I have never been committed to a girl before or that no girl's ever been committed to me either...and no I won't give u the cliches and say that commitments scare me and shit 'cos it doesn't...commitment is great if to a great person; I kind of just never given it a chance...I guess I am one of those who're more in love with love itself than the other person. I need a special type of girls though.
I am a nonbeliever in god; an atheist. Many a times before have I tried to believe in God and guess what!!! I failed...big time..I simply could not as I'd always lose the argument and debate against my reason, mind and logic. I think the idea of god is a childish notion made up by Man. I think you can't be a believer without giving up a portion of your divine human nature and identity and consequently becoming an incomplete human being. I do my best to accept those I do appreciate, consider dear to my heart and who also are believers...I choose to look upon the good and value in them and overlook what's else. Well, I got my case water-proof and if 'god' turned out later to be existent I already have my fluent and fiery speech ready & prepared for him to voice so audaciously on that day....day of judgment; if there be.
I am a very spiritual person. Yea, that doesn't go in contrast with the above point. Just like there're many monotheists who aren't the bit spiritual....you can be an apostate and a spiritual person both at the same time...both are mutually independent. So, I do have my own beliefs and convictions and in life I trust.
I don't fucking smoke and I hate smoking and strongly dislike smokers. I still do my best to accept those I appreciate and who also happen to be smokers. My wife could never be a smoker. I think ladies who smoke don't respect their artistic beauty...and then why should I?!
At some point in my life...I was --NOT ANYMORE ya3ny -in the dark cult of satanism. but still in my own way...not like other followers.
As far as I can remember; first girl I ever had feelings for was called Shaimaa'. I was still in preliminary school --Ibteda2y - and she was in the same class I was in. I used to call her 'Sheemo'. I used to leave Sheemo sheets of papers...I guess with words on them --hehe love words i guess-...in her desk drawer. Then I dunno I guess I told her it was me who was doing that...and then I remember that the school principal knew about it especially after me being accused of something keda and mmm u don't wanna know the rest. Hehe, that name --Shaimaa' - still brings back sweet and innocent memories whenever I hear it.
I once fell head over heels in luv with a girl at my current work place. I used to always just want and desire to see her...smile at her...think about her...look at her...send her many emails most of which were more of cocky and manly than actually loving but I loved her awy...I wanted her...I guess I was pushing my luck with her; in one of her replies to my several emails she said I was "mental". Then I somehow got hold of her business card --u don't wanna know how - and hence her contact number...I called her once...and told her it was me...the guy who would smile at her at work; the one who loves her and just wants to talk to her...and the one who'd send her all those emails; "I am Mazen" and she replied back then by saying she had to go in a meeting. I called her again the next day...she said she was driving and would call once at home. Then we 2 were on the phone...and then afterwards she disclosed to me that she was over 30 years old and already in a relationship; then that was it...I wished her a good night and ended the call. She was the Marketing Manager. I guess she told some ppl in the HR about me. --Khosarah!! she was not a smoker; where's the luck when I need it?!!! - FYI, I love(d) other girls at my workplace.
I have a thing for girls older than me. I am turned on by them and when I say older girls I mean mid/late twenties up till mid 30s. Only, few times have I loved younger girls...mmm I think the majority of them younger girls are a tad silly...mostly airheads in a way and superficial keda...I am not generalizing of course.
I sooo rarely watch TV and I have not been to the movies in quiet a long time. I am not bothered by that at all. I now am starting to think that there're many better ways to spend 2 hours of ur time than watching a movie; such as reading a good mag or chatting with a friend. Well, I still download movies but actually see the one of them across days. I dunno, maybe it's just a temp. phase and there're exceptions though.
I am a fitness maniac; I played a lot of sports. I try to take good care of my body and general health. Ever since I was little, I was into sports...it saved me form many harmful things such as drugs, smoking and etc.
I stopped drinking coke, miranda, 7up and all their likes alltogether long time ago. I don't like sweets either and I have my tea, coffee and everything without the slightest touch of sugar or any kinda sweeteners. That's nothing to do with diet...I just like the taste keda.
I really wish some of my posts were a bit more understandable...it's just whenever I start to write a new one, it simply and involuntarily just gets outta hand. I know the minute I force myself to 'simplify' them and put them in layman words it'll be the minute they lose their meaning. For instance, my previous post, in it I wanted to say that we human beings are our own problems...we are the problem and we're the solution at the same time yet we keep on blaming others and hell yea blaming LIFE, whining and playing victims; but I guess I cudn't just say that bluntly like this.
Notebooks...I have so many of them filled to the brim with ideas, beliefs and insight and enlightenment. They're all enshrouded in secrecy. They cud just get me into serious trouble, rehab or in an institution if their content was by any means disclosed.
I am deeply into Existentialism; big time. I think it should be taught at schools and universities. I think It has the key to many of nowadays sufferings and miseries. Existentialism...or the philosophy of 'No Excuses' as I once heard in a recorded audio lecture can turn your life around.
I am not really big on smilies :) as I think they're just kinda phony. Only just recently have I started using them a little after knowing that they could save me a lot of misunderstandings.
Whenever I'm feeling a bit down and in need of a laugh, nothing cheers me up better than Seinfeld.
Some people think I am a bit of a recluse or an introvert. Well, sometimes they couldn't be more right...I just need the right kind of people to socialize with. Some other times, I am just an utter party animal...I simply go overboard.
I wanna do so many things with my life...sooo many things that I still don't know exactly what's that I wanna do with it specifically.
My Arabic is kinda fluent --Yea, I'd rather not say formal - to a certain degree...unintentionally "Fasee7" showaya. I don't use Arabic slang that much; no I don't use 'eshta', 'fokak' or 'Hababa' nor any of their likes...hehe. Bottom line is; it's sophisticated.
Currently, all my true friends are actually the online friends...best I have ever had. I thank u all. I appreciate all of you. As for other friendships...I kinda grew outta 'em all...my withdrawal was sorta automatic. I was so diff. from them all...I guess it was when I realised that that was when it all ended.
I do believe I am much of the dreamer character; sometimes I doubt that I may have lost touch with this reality of urs...and I struggle to put my feet on the ground again...and then I come around and ask myself..."What for?!! Mine is better...waaay better."
For me, LOST is the best I have ever seen on TV. I relate to a far degree with Sawyer's character...
I do NOT have a facebook account & I am not the least inclined to ever have one & I really dunno what all the fuss is about. I think that in a way it shows that loneliness's the disease of this era.
I am much more into comedy, laughter, sarcasm or rather satire now than ever before; One of my fave comedy flicks are the Scary Movie series.
Up until my first year at college, I was considered to be amongst the best football players between my friends and all the lads in club or whatever; I was also conisdered to be among the fastest of them. Teams would fight over me. I dunno what happened next; apparantly I have lost it. Now, I can't even watch a football match....I hate it. Currently, I am not interested in any football team.
Marquise De Sade...he's actually one of my main fave. freedom icons.

Both

2009-02-18T13:18:00.004+04:00

We are...
Both of the unknowns and the equations
we're the changes & the constants..
We're both of the orgasms and the shame
and The variables and the labels
We're both of the beast and the victim
the life and the death
We're both the lessons and the pupils
the bait and the punishment
We're The mistakes and we're the right
The words and the muteness
Both of The legend and the disgrace
the ego and the grace
We're the knot and we're the entangled
We're the animals and we're the hunters
We're the joke and we're the drama
We're the prisons and we're the free
We're both the money and the poor
The sex and the whores
The laws and the crimes
We're both the son and the father
The masters and the slaves
We're both the past and the present
The torture and the laughter
We're both the disaster and the relief
the warmth and the cold
We're the game
and we're both the players and the referees.
We're both the living and the dead
the disease and the cure
We're both the love 'n' the hatred
The boy and the girl
We're both the dreams and the realities
We're both of the humans and the gods
We're both the power and the prayer
We're the paradise
and we're the hell...
We're the Gods..
n We're the slaves...

I just wanna say something #4 -New Born

2009-02-15T23:56:00.002+04:00

Just like the new born; we're damn angry and we want your patient attention as we feed on it and I tell you we're here to get it...we're life in its purest and rawest form...sometimes you'll find that we're just overly excited with our new fresh and daring inhales but u bet we're not and actually can't ever be scared of ever losing them and know too that we're going to always announce our imposing fresh existence in every way possible or even 'impossible' and we instruct you to respect it and u don't have to fucking understand it. Just like the new born...we're going to make mistakes, so many big fucking mistakes, probably the same big fucking mistakes...over and over and over again till we master our new life skills; till we fully obtain our complete and entirely independent fitness for our new and fresh lives and you'll have to bear with us 'cos otherwise we'll just crash...we'll collide so badly. And believe me...it's something you don't wish for cos u know what?!!! We got the majority of life on our side...while u got none on urs...absolutely none but the past that's burdening and undermining you...yea only you, alone.

Amongst you

2009-02-15T23:09:00.002+04:00

I walk amongst you..
I look at you...
I breathe in your life
your illusions...
your delusions...
and I marvel at your blindness
or is it merely just forgetfulness?!!
I walk amongst you..
and I question your senses
I walk amongst you...
I penetratingly stare at you...
I analyze you
I mistake you for one of them
and you mistake me for one of you...

Utter, Act 'n' JAM

2009-02-10T13:48:00.007+04:00

You're in that Cafe and u really like that girl?!! Well be a man and stop staring at her like a pervert and go directly and talk to her. It's not that scary.
Dunno how to strike up a conversation? Well, here're some opening lines u can utter and remember u can always say the truth...simple as that. It's even empowering.

Here's also a tip; when saying these lines try to act them..u know? ur most required to perform them and feel them and not just spit them out as robot who's senselessly just executing a memorized instruction that's crammed in a lengthy stack of other instructions.

Be forewarned; these lines require a great deal of Self-Confidence. U might even faint if u utter them without having the required amount of confidence. I tried a couple of the the following line...and it's worth it.

U know?! On the net, If we 2 were online now..I would have sent u a message asking to be just ur friend in a heartbeat & without reluctance. But now, I am all for wanting to be your hero.
Excuse me, I do happen to just be wondering, Do you believe in Miracles? 'cos u know...IT'S A MIRACLE!! --raise ur hands up in the air now - that I am talking to u now. U have absolutely no idea. IT'S A MIRACLEE!!! --throw ur hands up in the air again..preferably while looking up.
You know?!! had u told me 2 years ago that I'd be standing here talking to u now I would have said ur crazy.
Well, obviously I wanna talk to u so bad and I think u know it...so plz just tell me this as I cudn't figure it out on my own...how was I supposed to just sit there pretending that you're not here and...not brave up and come talk to someone as gorgeous as u?
U know? hahaha...sometimes I just completely forget that we're strangers, weird huh?!!
It seems that I Love you.
Actually, damn!! I just wanted to tell u something but I can't really know what it really is now...so how about we two just sit together and try to figure that one out?!!!!
Hey, How about we two change this (fucking) --fucking is optional - world together?
U know?! My whole life, I never done something that made sense as talking to u now.
Hey, honestly for how much longer do we have to pretend that we don't know each other here?
Heck!! All I know now is I simply just wanna talk to you...just tell me pleaase if u were a boy how would u go about approaching a glamorous girl like u?

So, as u can see, bygone are the times of el laf wel dawaran...girls khalas know all the tricks and truth be told they don't actually make u look any better, if not the opposite. Nothing better than saying the truth...the whole truth. At least, u'd know then that ur doing or actually sayin something right...something truthful.

Q. & A. # 9

2009-02-09T14:06:00.002+04:00

The 2 of us were in a cafe. Our mugs next to us and and our laptops open and online before us. We came together to that cafe on the same mission and with the same aim. We got online right after ordering our drinks and it's been now 2.5 hours since then. Not a single word...each was being dried up during his mission...or his hunt. Yet, our drinks were still placed next to us. Till later; I remember this:

Friend (looking up from his screen and facing life again): "We'll never gonna get a job...not during these times....the market is so dried up."
I (Glad that I've been distracted away form this cul de sac, if even for a while): "Well, stay positive my friend...trust life. There's always something for us."
Friend (As if disturbed): "Positive?!!! I have never been positive b4 u know me...and I ain't gonna start now..not during these nashfa times."
I (Sarcastically yet candidly) :"Well, maybe that's why u're not gonna get a job...come on we're hunting here...we're hunters and u gotta capture the confident spirit and essence of the hunter. Have u ever seen a negative hunter before?!! look at them..they all walk into the forest...cocksure and confident that they're gonna find that deer....waiting for them."
Friend (Amused) :"A deer?!!! Hehehe....u manage to joke in all times...thats admirable. Well, here's a q for u my dear friend. U know I am an atheist right?! Well, I can't help but think that there's some kinda relationship or correlation between finding the right religion and finding a job...is that right? Is there really?"
I (confidently as usual when asked):"Yea sure u bet there is.."
Friend (Kinda intrigued):"and that would be..? What?"
I (with a sly smile...cos I know I got an answer): "Well.. we're humans....we're credulous animals by nature...we're actually desperate credulous animals. We need and actually look for the right religion in order to quench our curiosity by knowing the meaning of our lives and to know what will happen to us after we die....and just the same we look for the 'right' job in order to give meaning to our lives and know just as well--notice this - what we're gonna do after we wake up in the morning....or rather what's gonna happen to us after we wake up every day in the morning. We just can't stand not knowing what to do when we wake up in the morning...we gotta have a job to know...and it's gotta be the right job for us to like what's gonna happen to us..See now buddy?"
Friend (After taking a sip from his now cold drink) : "Who r u?!!"
I (After taking a sip too from my now cold drink): "I am a hunter...just like u buddy and I say we get back in the forest once again....it's a jungle out there."
Friend (Back again below his laptop screen):"Yea I agree there's a deer out there..waiting..for my...yea right? why not?"
I (reluctantly):"I am not sure whether it's gonna be really a dear or just an ape this time...u know those big monkeys..."
Friend (managed to climb up from behind his screen again to say this):"Positive remember?!! It's definitely a deer."
I : "Yea yea...sure. Big juicy one kaman."

And we got back once again to hunting...each of us..fields away, in this forest...alone...fields away.

End

2009-02-09T11:46:00.003+04:00

Is this the end?
This is the end?!!!
Can Life stop moving forward?!!
and time still slipping?!!
Can the wheels stop rolling?
Can it be the end?!
While ones are still locked in the Vehicle?!!
Can one be considered gone while he's still feeling?!!
Can we call it an end like this?!!
Can this be the end?
Is it?!! Ma32oola?!!
If this is the end...Tab why does it not just really end?
If it's the end..then why does it all not stop?
Why does it all just not halt, stop and black out?
Why're they still in the vehicle?
Why do I still see and feel them?
Waiting for it?!! The End?!!
Is this the end?
Can it?
Can't be?

----------
Excuse me ppl...

Brownie's Tag

2009-02-04T17:45:00.005+04:00

I have been tagged by Brownie...I thank her for that...and I tell her also I appreciate it my dear.

These r Not exactly my faves..but what just came to mind. SO This is just for u Brownie.

Favourite Colour: Blue.
Favourite Perfume (Guys) : Old Spice
Favourite Perfume (Girls) : Smell Her n Her Hair

Favourite PJ brand: Entice
Favourite Clothes Brand: Skin
Favourite Person in the Entire World: Alter Ego
Favourite Country: On Paper (Where I'd be king)

Favourite Car: environment-friendly ones
Favourite Sport: Tennis

Favourite Sports Player: Roger Federer (I don't deny his looks have got some to do with it)
Favourite Spot in the World: Nude Beaches
Favourite Animal: Phoenix and MAN
Favourite Movie: Sensual and educational ones

Favourite Singer: Michael Jackson
Favourite Day of the Week: Off Days
Favourite time of the day: Morning (after "sleeping")
Favourite holiday season: Summer time
Favourite number: 84
Favourite food: Spizy one
Favourite chocolate: KitKat

Favourite Cartoon: Ed, Edd & Eddy & Beavis n Butthead.
Favourite Blogger: andre jordan

Favourite Icecream Flavour: Cinnamon
Favourite Mobile Brand: VOIP phones
Favourite Name: Souzan
Favourite Hobby: Idling, questioning n learning.
Favourite Room in my House: My room's Bathroom
Favourite Fruit: Bananas
Favourite Flower: Girls'
Favourite Qur'an Reciter: N/A
Favourite Ayah: N/A

Favourite Website: del.icio.us and Educational sites.

Lines and words On T-Shirts

2009-02-04T11:20:00.002+04:00

Messages I want to send out to society. Like demonstrations on T-Shirts. Like put-on banners.

These are words and lines I came up with and I wish I would have them imprinted on my T-Shirts.

INCUUUR
Sing; as z MusIc of ur heart's bEAt sets you FREE
You owe me a life
U know?!! It takes Genius to be this kinda Silly
LOve me, Don't fear me
Come...I know u wanna speak
UTTER
POINT?!!!
SSSHHHH SCREAM calmly
You don't really RECOGNIZE me??!!!!
How much longer?!!!!!
nO reason really for wearing all of these
Life Inside...even More Elegant..MUCH
dOnt just lOOk at me like this
U sure U see me?!! Under all of these...?

I'll keep u updated...
To be continued for sure...
Am still not completely pleased with the above...will surely modify and add to it later in separate posts.

But I guess point delivered!!!!

Congress Quotes #1.

2009-02-01T11:45:00.000+04:00

In the congress I've heard these quotes before...I do believe that each has its own wisdom and truth. Surely I have heard more but this time I share these with you.

"Humor is the only weapon that could beat reality for it's the only meaning...the only thing that's true and serious."

The Comedian.

"I've discovered that the past is the only thing that you keep on nurturing, strengthening and caring for yet it does not give a damn about you."

The Scientist

"Love is the fine line that separates warriors from killers. Make your cause always love."

The Warrior

"When I am naked..I feel as if I am literally owning myself back again...not disowning any bit of my own flesh and blood...I feel true to myself..not ashamed of any bit of my own self that's this lively nakedness of mine. It's like restoring life and feel back again into parts of my body that I have thought were dead or not even there"

The Hippie

"People ask me 'how the hell do you see and seize all of these chances?!!!!!' I tell them 'it's because I am always in the mode for them...it's what's actually called a life mode' and I leave them with more questions than answers."

The CEO

"Yes I am addicted to sex...yea as I am never ever more in the moment than when I am discovering the workings of another body and literally experiencing the nooks and crannies of every bit of it; sex just obliterates my past and envelopes my wanton mind..it's like when I am having sex I don't think or focus on nothing other than the throbbing orgasmic possessive pleasure that I am having; I simply forget everything else then. I wish I could spend what's left of my life having wild and crazed sex during every sec of it."

The Sex-Addict

I just wanna say something #3 -World

2009-01-26T17:05:00.009+04:00

I dream of a world that has no strangers...a world where there're no distances between us...a world that crossed all these distances which are measured in ego;a world that crossed them all once and for all. I dream of a world where we'd so trustingly and lovingly grant each other the invaluable benefit of the doubt...a world where everyone's forgiven...because none would be God. I keep dreaming of a world where no visas are required before you could step in and live into each other's heart. I dream of a world where we acknowledge that we all need each other...a world where we acknowledge & realise what we're actually doing to each other. I dream of a world where we're not scared of each other...because we'd be rather free by and with the help of each other. I dream of a world where life's embraced and humans raised. A world where we stop whining about how harder life is getting and actually start doing something for life itself. I dream of a world where we're not worlds apart like we are now...a world that's only but one and which has no such thing as second or third other worlds to divide us...I dream of a world where we're all but equal citizens of this planet earth. Yes, I dare dream of a world that preserves and celebrates variety and diversity and doesn't wage mindless wars over differences. I dream of a world where we do not work for another...but rather we'd all be working for the highest benefit of life itself...I dream of just one world where we're all but life's loyal employees. I dream of a different world where dreams are dared. I dream of a world that I would die for...with love.

Certain Sometimes #4 --Change

2009-01-23T00:52:00.003+04:00

Many a certain times...many a so certain many times I feel that life...life with all its divine power and forces is asking me to simply change...that life is leaving me no choice at all but to change...to evolve...or to die instead...in shame. Many a times I feel that life is being utterly patient with me asking me to change...doing all the best she can for me to get me to let myself gravitate towards that destined change of mine. Many a times I feel that life is being surreally convincing while conspiring to make me believe that change...believe its inescapable inevitability. Many a times I feel that all that life wants from me is to simply just celebrate it in each and every moment of its renewing now instead of "celebrating" my past and its instantaneous anniversary throughout my lifetime. Many a times I feel that I seem to be hearing life telling me this:"Hi, don't believe the lie..don't believe their lies....believe what I am doing instead...believe that I am capable of doing instead." Many a times I feel that life is trying to convey to me that she'll always support me in whatever deathly menacing consequences those might be once I choose to believe and embrace that justified change of mine. Many a times I feel that life is trying to tell me that she chose me for the glory of that change because I happen to be so much special to her...that she would never let me suffer at the hands of her slaves if I chose the glorious novelty of that change and her over them all. Many a times I feel that life is trying so patiently and lovingly to get me to believe that she herself would never ever allow or let those slaves of her do whatever they want with me once I spear through that change of mine...as she says she would never grant them that kind of 'freedom'...if it's to be called freedom she says; "because they don't deserve it" she goes on. Many a times I feel that life is telling me that she herself with the whole universe itself and everything that she's got under her infinitely encompassing power will celebrate my special existence once I go through with that change...and that she'd reveal even more endless treasures of her "sanity-blowing" --as she refers to describe them - secrets once I accept that planned out change of mine. All that she's asking me is to put some trust in her, to have faith in her before it's too late...instead of clinging on to whatever I many have now...in fear of my death...virtual death of that part of mine; or more rather past of mine...many a times she tells me that this virtual death is the only way to that destined and waiting change and that's where we differ. Ooh, many a certain times I feel that life's being so crushingly cruel while trying to make me believe the uttermost sanity of that change...telling me or more rather reminding me that I in fact have absolutely nothing except only for her...that without her I have but shame, absolute nothingness...death itself. That's why many a times I feel that life is asking me to either evolve or die.

Certain Sometimes #3 --Cancer

2009-01-19T22:30:00.002+04:00

Yeaa people there're these certain sometimes when I feel that I don't recognize any of those things that I used to identify with and think of as my own. There're these certain sometimes when I feel that don't know anything...that I am not the least bit familiar with everything that I used to know...when I feel that I am not sure of anything. There're these certain sometimes when I feel that I am going back on all my knowledge and that skepticism and doubt haunt every fact and piece of information that used to tranquilize and reassure me. It's when I feel that what used to be a far-away and distant past is no longer that way and it will capture me again and this time it'll be once and for all...just when I thought that I have gotten so far away from it with everything I gained and accumulated on the way and its just when I thought that I've built myself an impenetrable fortress against its hacking breaches just to find its imminent proximity strikes again and erases all the acquired grounds that I laid my seeds of my new self into. These are these certain sometimes when I don't know the point behind anything, the meaning or necessity of anything that used to make sense to me before. Ya, these are these sometimes when I am faced by the mirror of my own utter ignorance and I find that I can't really seem to make out anything of what I see as a reflection. These are these certain sometimes when I get inflicted by these cancerous questions that replicate and procreate themselves so virally to shake and hence threaten to demolish the founding constructed origins of every single belief, definition and label I used to hold dear as mine. These are these certain sometimes when I am overwhelmed by these cancerous questions that veraciously eat away at the case and cause behind every right and wrong of my revolutionary book of deeds. There're these certain sometimes when I find that the more I think and the deeper I wander through the labyrinthine tunnels of ideas the more I get lost into the thick darkness of my ignorance and while I am lost in this featureless ignorance I keep questioning the meanings and points of many things; many concepts and many definitions and can't quiet put my hands on to many solid reassurances that I can hold on to in order not to get lost deeper into this hollowed-out and fact-free space of ignorance of my own. While I am still there I find myself back again locked up once again into my narrow past with all of its fear possessed indoctrinated mindset...this time even worse as I'd have then no cause or case to fight for anymore...I then simply am back again to square zero.

Mine and Yours

2009-01-13T19:00:00.004+04:00

What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of Humanity...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of Existence...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of Mind...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of Dignity...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of God...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of Laws and rules...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of Borders...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of Meanings...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of Purpose...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of Happiness...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of Love...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of conscience...
Mine & Yours
What's happening ig Gaza is a desecration of Life...
Mine & Yours

Q. & A. # 8

2009-01-13T14:42:00.004+04:00

It was one of those cool winter evenings. But this time we were together...deep into the night were we still walking side by side together in a vast quiet garden. My right arm around her shoulders and her left arm around my waist. Even though we were walking so tightly side by side we were so lovingly looking deeply into each other's eyes more than looking ahead. I guess there were others there too but we could not see or notice anyone else..or didn't pay attention to anyone else actually. We both have been waiting for a night like this for so long. We both have been waiting for each other for so long. Yes, it was one of those cold winter nights but you bet that the coldness of its breeze was reacting so magically well with the warm energy of our radiant natural love for one another. We were lively hopping from one topic to another so agilely and perfectly in rhythm with the whole night along with its caressing chilly breeze. We were walking side by side in this vast garden at night while talking about many beautiful things...so many beautiful things in life in the context of own ourselves together. I remember this bit:

She (looking so irresistibly and lovingly warm with her acute cute curiosity):"So Mazen, I am really curious about your life philosophy. A person like you can not be going through life without some sorta guidance or light...just tell me whats that plz?! will ya?!"
Me (Deciding that I must keep it simple this time ba2a though I bet she'd understand me):"Well darling, actually it's simple but mmm it requires a lot of faith...it's extremely action oriented u know?!! just like any other philosophy. So my philosophy is 'yea alright life is hard but...it should not be.'"
She (looking amused and smiling): "Very interesting ya Mazen...I honestly kinda cud see that coming...it's very apparent that you actually strongly believe that life should not be this hard. Well I can imagine this's really very action demanding from your side...I mean u'd be crushingly restless if you just had such a conviction and did nothing to act upon it, right?!"
Me:"Right you are and not only just act upon it but actually try to impose it as well...that's the action demanding part of it. Ultimately it's for everybody's good right?!! Who but bloody politicians and their likes of blood-suckers...or rather life-suckers would gain anything by having life going on as it's now? I mean...for ex. just look at us my love; anyone would think that we at least have been together and knowing each other closely for years...not knowing at all that 3 hours ago we were but physically complete strangers who happened to be in a God-forsaken place...sharing it with absent-minded cowards...well...I don't blame them...but that's what they are actually, right?"
She (I am sure if these were tiny welling tears in her eyes):"yes...we showed them all that society and actually life can...like..function in so many other awesome ways...ways they don't know nothing about.."
Me:"Yes that's exactly what we did...we did it together...I kinda knew for sure you'd do it with me. That you would support me in what I was doing. I had faith in you without even knowing you."
She:"and u can bet that I always will.."

[...and then she moved from beside me and I found her in front me and we're hugging each other so tightly both explicitly and innermostly as if we wanted to take refuge into each other's welcoming and warm pure being...we were hugging each other so closely as if we both wanted to hide from this world if even for a short and permanent while into one true hug of fusion. We were kissing each other so passionately like never known before. These were the holiest of promises and most reassuring of permanent soul contracts that we could offer to one another. I bet we were both more than willing to die at that instant into each other's arms. Then I remember that we were then both breathing so heavily while still holding on to one another.]

Me (while trying to gasp my elusive slippery breath):"You know honey..u know life is hard compared to what?!"
She (smiling while breathing heavily too) :"Tell me Mazen plz..what?"
Me (After looking deep into her sweet life's eyes):"Life is hard compared to simply just having sweet and innocent fun...so hard compared to loving."

[Then we were again both lively and endlessly passionately engaged into an outlawed kiss...this time with the intention to leave this life together altogether...we were kissing with the intention to die while still standing in this vast quiet garden late at night.]

For You

2009-01-08T21:30:00.004+04:00

for you I'd bleed...
for you I'd tremble...
for you I'd shiver...
for you I'd speak...
for you I'd feel...
for you...I'd live...

Congress {X-Rated}

2009-01-07T12:00:00.003+04:00

THIS POST'S X-RATED.

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Inside they were all sitting together. A motley congress of legislators...yes legislators as each of them would love to see and call themselves. They were supposedly speaking to one another yet none was in fact listening...none was understanding anything that was being said, manifested or performed as each was speaking his own language…his own grammar that is. Each was practicing his own logic..manifesting and legislating his own reality along with its rules and laws...and in some cases lawlessness. There they all were, gathered in a dim and dark forsaken space...none of them wanted to reveal their full identity to the rest not knowing that they all recognize one another very damn well...but they in fact don't fully know one another. Each was hiding behind the dimness of the room yet they were all discernible. It was very clear that they were namely just there together but everyone was on his own. Here they are:

She: What a female beauty she is!!! Well, honestly not because she has this maddened sex with each of them that means that she's actually a bitch...no she's not; according to her...she's just not full of ego that is. I'd like to think of her as a mirror that reflects the bared reality of each of the rest. Each of them has his crazed sex with her in his own bared way. Some are cruel, sadistic and others are gentle, poetic and just dreamy...etc. And yes, of course she gets to fulfill her insatiable desires and hunger for affection and her never ending craving for a caring human touch just as well. She does not forget herself of course. She's once admitted to me that while actually having sex with any of them...no matter how dirty, abnormal or even perverted the "intercourse" is she always thinks of and imagines her current partner as her forever lost heroic lover. She pictures making love to him. She has sex with them all as she thinks that her lover's soul was sort of distributed at his death upon them all. She believes that each of them has a bit or a side of her lover's soul. She believes that their ongoing war and their differences would all cease to exist once they realise that they're actually one. Only then would they truly understand one another.
A man in a suit: It's like he's always on a mission to impress. He's always very well-dressed; simply so elegant...always smelling so good, his hair is just so perfect. In a nutshell, he looks like a million bucks. He takes good care of himself...he's very self protective u should know that too. He pays the sports maniac bug amounts of money to keep him updated with the latest and most efficient nutritional supplements and medications for his health problems --pretty much all sexual. He rarely smiles for real though and truth be told as well none believes his always-there imprinted-on-face insincere smile...not genuine at all. Not only does he look that organized and clean...but he's actually an obsessively organized man as well; in his work and pretty much everything else he does. He always looks busy and in haste and he's always like after something...or chasing something. He claims to be an unprecedented example of civilization. Apart from that, no one really knows much about him at all or his agenda or what's in his business bag or on his laptop. None knows who his boss really is or what his nature of work actually is either or how he earn all this money he spends on his health, appearance and apparel. All that he keeps repeating about himself is that he's the epitome of modern civilization and "structured society". Rumors say that he's an undercover agent working for that much hated and feared Police Officer. I found none better than her to ask about him...and ooh she said enough based on her repetitive sex encounters with him she could learn many things about him. Let me quote her here: "I wonder where all that civility and what else goes when he strips himself...he literally just attacks me...he tears off my entire garments...he bites me..and he inserts many objects inside of me more often than his out-of-control dick...he's just as if wired to something...like a mad Ox. He takes pleasure in my screams and agony...I guess I just remind him of how not in control he is when it comes to having sex...and his own penis..ejaculation...he's just a frustrated dick and he always wants to make up his sex inability by getting more crazed, animal-like and berserk in each time...oh if I haven't told u yet..u should know that he's Premature Ejaculation...and these medicaments and recipes he gets from the Sports Manic does him no good...they just drill him deeper & deeper into frustration and eventually madness. If u want my opinion these expensive clothes and clean civilised looks of his....I know they just hide..a deep chaos and fear inside of him."
A Hippie: As always the deal with hippies. They conform to nothing and agree on nothing of what the structured society has agreed upon. They even look different and they do every thing different...and of course differently as well. They have their own language...their own poetry..own dreams..even own society. They're the only ones living their "dreams"...but of course that comes at a price; a high one. Well they're shunned by society; deemed irreversibly unfit to get back once again amongst them. They're all self-employed. Most of them are genuine artists. That one in question now looks upon sex as an art...an art that one mustn't be ashamed of. He loves and actually is used to having his own kinda free sex with her in the open air...before the hungry eyes of passersby and pretty much everyone there. They have their sex like they're two bloody famished hyenas feasting upon such a fleshy corpse. He even shares her with his own hippie mates and in a short while she finds herself at the center of some bared male hyenas primed to get on her fleshy corpse. This hippie's like he would like for the whole world...around him to hear and listen carefully to their screams and sex moans. He wants to let them all know that he's living and enjoying it...that he still can. He once told me something I don't quite understand, he said "I am afraid that when it comes to orgasmic sex moans this is the only thingie I share with this hypocrite society...also the only sound I can understand and love to hear again and again from them." OOOH I almost forgot the Hippie says that he may know very well the whereabouts of the rest of the Gangster's gang is...but he says he wont reveal that for now...he plans to play that card later. The Hippie says of all them, it's only the Comedian that he gets along with..."Of them all The Comedian is the only one who shows respect to out community and culture...and oh his jokes are just irresistible" he says. "I believe that in a previous life the Comedian was actually one of us...".
A CEO: Now comes the pompous man...he's rarely seen by any of them by the way. However he says that he's always there...that his presence can always be felt...he says he manages things from behind the veil of their limited sights. In fact that CEO's upbeat person...damn optimistic like no other...he's happy...and ooh yea he's excessively narcissistic. He's this outlook on life that he says is crucial and that which enables him to always see nothing but chances...he says he's always surrounded by them wherever he goes. He believes that his resources are inexhaustible and can't ignore their calls for these loving chances...instead of CEO he prefers to refer to himseld as "Resources Manager". On the other hand, he loves the comedian...he attends all of his shows he says that the comedian jokes and sketches enable him to see more chances and even more possibilities. He picks her up from the nightclub where the comedian works in. She says that he most of the times like to humiliate her while having his frentic sex with her. She says that he's possessive and oh yea obsessive with her...that he wants to lietrally own her. He in fact already deals with her as if she's his property...his doll or as an asset or a pleasure resource. Yea he sometimes resorts to beating her as she says knowing that she'll still keep on coming back as he threatens her that if she does not he'll efface all of her chances of being...and yes he can exactly do that due to his shared interests and ties with the Politician. She also says that he rarely uses no condoms or any kind of protection while sexually intercoursing.
A Comedian: AAH what would life have been like if it were not for him?!! What's funny is that they all think and know that he's fearless..oh yea..kinda so confident keda and his jokes are yes soo bold. Yet he's never or rarely serious...he believes in nothing...and he hardly respect nothing...absolutely nothing except for his jokes. He's an atheist...he sees no point in being serious...he actually sees no point in life...let alone anithing else. He's loved by pretty much all the voluptuous girls..and wonders at those who can't understand why women/girls love funny guys much much more than intelligent and smart ones. Well, he once let me in on his secret and said that there's no better way to conquer fear but to make fun of it...to just blurt ur jokes at it, he went on about how to get closer the hilarious core of ur jokes factory. He thinks that everyone has an innate comedian...and that everyone should be a comedian too. He describes on saying that "behind the layers of your fear...there are ur jokes...say them...believe in them...their meaning and their reality...say them but don't laugh at them." He agrees with Voltaire whe the later once said his famous quote that God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. OOH and now I have to say that she too loves the comedian so much...he's so playful she says. But when it comes to sex he's gets serious...really down to business now. He knowledgeable about all the sex tricks and practices and he's actually an expert all the sexual positions...he gives her mind-blowing sex. The one thing she does not like about the comedian is his relations with the CEO, she dislikes that despites him telling her many a times that since he's on good terms with the Hippie community he's come up with a plan using the gangster himself that would rid them both of the CEO...for good he says. Naah she does not totally believe him about that..u know except when he's having sex he's actually never serious. Maybe he's been telling her this for so long that she thinks its one of his jokes.
A Gangster: He's always looking for his lost gang...everywhere. He's the last standing of his gange after the Police Officer could successfully disperse and imprison most of them beyond the borders of existence. He still strongly believes he could find them. God only knows what would happen if he found his gang. Anyhow, till he does...He works on his own and actually gets to strike every now and then. If the Gangster wants something...or someone he simply just goes and takes/snatches/abducts it or them...simple as that. That's his philosophy...he sees no hindrances or obstacles...he refers to this philosophy of his as "The Gangsta Simplicity". In his eyes all of his crimes are justified...if not even necessary...and that's whats scary about him..he commits all of his atrocities with a strong conviction...and with his consciousness at bay. He does not mind forming a new gang instead of his old one so long its members believe in him...his cause and case as his old one used to do; that's what he says but he still believe that one day he's gonna reunite with the members of his old gang. It's worth noting that he uses the Sex Addict to find his gang. He says the Addict is the only one "qualified" to find his gang as he goes to places none else goes to and meet with ones none else would be able to bring themselves to meet with. In return and to keep him motivated The Gangster provides the Addict with women of all kinds and colors...he gets them from the Comedian's nightclub...and sometimes the Comedian himself arranges for the Gangster to meet and then abduct some of his women. But when The Gangster wants some action for himself..he can't find any hotter than her...he has unrelenting merciless sex with her. He almost kills her everytime he's having sex with her. He can't stand her looks...he says that her looks at him are the only thing that could trouble his consciousness...the only that can shake his case and cause behind all that he's doing...and hence the only that could detonate his identity...he dares not yet say that her looks disgraces him. Therefore he has this insanely brutal sex with her while looking deep into her eyes in order to make sure that her looks does not remain like this. The reason behind such looks of her is that she suspects so damn strongly that he's the only one who cold-bloodedly killed her lover before.
A Police Officer: He's the most hated of them all...the's the most feared..the most feared by those tho fear or cannot overcome their fear. He collaborates with the Politician to come up and legislate new laws, regulations and rules that would hereupon outlaw them all. His mission is to keep the current "sanity"... the current order with all is disorders and to thwart any attempt of rising/rebelling against it. The rumors are true, he truly uses the Man in the Suit to spy on everybody else. In his eyes each of the rest is an outlaw...a potential danger and threat to the current system. He also follows the Scientist's latest discoveries and breakthroughs in human behavior, psychology and communication and pretty much everything else in order for him to develop his own ways of spying on the rest. He knows that he must stay alert at all times...and that he should expect the impossible from anybody else...that mutiny could erupt at any time...under even the most complacent circumstances. Well, but he knows damn well how to deal with that. Based on a recent research by the Scientist, he got the idea that since he's not gonna be able to put them all behind prison bars...as actually there's not prison that's indomitable before any of them; the best solution is to imprison them all inside of their confining selves...inside the borders of their dream and till now..his plan is working like never before. The Politician praises him for his success in subduing and squelching any possible budding chance of overthrow or even the slightest change. The Police Officer knows that the poet is scared of him and that's why he's letting him live on despite his fiery and rebellious poem; because simply he needs the existence of someone of who's afraid of him to be amongst the rest if them; in time the Poet would spread his fear...if he didn't he'd surely kill him without a second thought. The Police Officer is given by the Politician the green light to do whatever in order to maintain the current sanity and all is under the cover of law of course. But when it comes to sex, the Policeman shows how sick of he's of the law by having the most illegal sex ever...he even prefers having his pleasure in his work place...as a sign of slamming the law and legality against the semen covered walls of his secret room in his work place. He into extreme form of BDSM...he uses many tools...many inhumane tools; like the rope...the gags, the whip and oooh. He's sick..he's illegal and he's perverted.
A Misogynist: First of all, he's an epileptic. The female sex are the number one reason for his fits. He sees them as the source of his pain. He hates them...he does not understand the point of their existence...or their nature. He views them as abnormal human beings..."they can not be normal like the rest of us" he once said. They're the blasting source of his shame. Whenever he just is brought to interact with any of them he describes his fits as being seized and squeezed in the grip of his past..history that's filled with...many things he does not wanna remember but forced to experience again. According to him the past just attacks him sweeps him off his reality feet. His whole Now just dissolves and ceases to be seen, heard or experienced..and instead the past launches its onslaughts on him throwing him and shaking him in its fierce grip. The Misogynist is related to the Sex Addict. The Misogynist may be diagnosed with schizophrenia as well, so the others say but he does not confirm that. Although he is not homosexual but he's tried the sodomy of gay sex before many times before till he made sure that it's not his thing. She says that their sexual intercourses are always interrupted by intermittent fits and she used to leave everytime after seeing his frightening fits and how they take over him. "He cusses and shouts...he makes weird sounds, he can't even take off his clothes without having a seizure." She says. Until recently, She says that he orders her to tie him up too tightly, blindfold him...he orders her to abuse him...to use him...to infiltrate him..he orders her to hit him..slap him if necessary and never stop regardless of how frightening his fits look like. He orders her to never leave until she caused him to ejaculates big time. She says it's like one of those exorcism sessions...and it's like the only way for him to expel those vicious spirits is through his penis..it;s like they're in his semen..along his shaft. She says that after he ejaculates..."big time"...he calms down..falls asleep and then she leaves.
A child: That child is weird. None knows who his parents are. He never speaks actually...it's like he has not been taught how to speak actually. He can not even speak for himself...and when he actually opens his mouth to say anything his language is unintelligible...he speaks gibberish...he speaks his unintelligible gibberish..nervously and defensively. He sometimes speaks them with tears because he can not speak them clearly. He always tries to please everyone...on the expense of his lifetime..on the expense of his growing up. The more he tries to please everyone the more they take advantage of him..the more they take him for granted. That child deals with her as if she was his mother. But what mother is that that'd have sex with her child?!! Well she says that he's been a child for more than long enough and it's time for him to start acting as an adult...hence she has sex with him thinking according to what she says that this will help him actually grow up and mature. She uses him..he's so small that she can actually put his entire physique in her delicious edible mouth. Let alone his fragile manhood i.e; dick. She claims that he has unspoken unfulfilled fantasies of her and that's what's locking him in his childhood...and she's helping him grow by manifesting those fantasies of him. She says that she would stop having sex with the boy once he tells her to stop but not till then. --Well I actually don't believe that as it does seem her that she uses him to fulfill no fantasies but hers...when else is she gonna find such obedient undemanding bed partner anyway?!!! Besides the child cannot even speak for himself so how's he supposed to tell her to stop. It's apparent that she utilizes him as her miniature of a male doll.
A Rock'n' Roll God: He's the bad ass...the tough & rough guy. His Body is replete with tattoos from head to toe. He refers to his tattoos as hie beloved life bruises. He worships the spotlight...he's not afraid of anybody..so his songs say. He's very well spoken; he expresses him self like no other. He acts, speaks, lives his life as if he's always on stage and performing. He says that before he learned how to play his revolutionary guitar...he first discovered and then learned how to play the "inner instrument" in himself. He says that each of us has an inner instrument that's playing and needs ur care and listening...he says that it's most crucial to find that instrument in you and learn how to listen to it..how to play it...launch it into freedom before trying to learn any other instrument. He says this music of his has always been inside of him..playing in his head..in every move he makes...in every turn. He describes this inner music as the divine orchestra of life inside of him. It's always been there and he could not ignore it, had he actually tried it would have driven him crazy. He had to get it out..to shout it out. He truly is the God of Rock 'n' Roll...his music actually introduced another music genre into being called the revolutionary Rock 'n' Roll. I must reveal too that most of his success is owed to the poet's poems...he admits that he's not that good at writing but the poet's poems are soo rebellious and revolutionary so he sings them. His success depends on the poet's poems. He many a times saved the poet's life when he intended to commit suicide because he needs him. He always makes sure the poet lives on and keeps on writing his poems for him to sing and succeed even more. She says that he loves to tape their sexual meetings..in order to later watch them before getting up on stage..she says he always has sex with her while his music is playing in the background...volume at its max. He screams and his shouts while thrusting hard inside of her. Now, on the other hand She describes his body as very hairy and extremely masculine and has absolutely no inch with no tattooers. She says he worships every bit of her body...he licks and kisses and sucks everywhere...and once they're finished..she finds herself entirely covered and dripping both on the inside and outside with his rich semen. He's a rock ' n' roll sex machine she says.
A Warrior: He views life as a war and he personally is always in a the battlefield. He's the good side of the gangster. He actually needs no one and he's not looking for non one unlike the gangster's search for his gang. He's willing to go through his battles on his own so long his case and cause are justified and strong enough. He fights for a reason...he fights and goes to war in order to make things right. His belief system is very strong. He too is very well spoken. He's naturally professional at giving motivational speeches. All he needs in life is a righteous cause...and he's more than prepared and willing to die for it. Yes he feels fear sometimes but as a warrior he always manages to overcome it. He's an incomparable lover too. He says you cannot be a true warrior that fights for a righteous case without being a lover. His hero or heroine is Joan of Arc. She says he's truly sweet...she says he truly loves a good foreplay before having sex with her...he whispers sweet things into her ears and he even helps her undress..and then kisses her all over. She says he kisses her mouth a lot when they're making love..she says he loves physical contact while making love...he looks into her eyes, hugs her so warmly and tightly and whispers sweet sexy things into her ears like he would go to war for her and that he would even take a bullet for her. She says he's just a dream and many a times she tried to convince him of the necessity to rid them all of the Gangster but in vain; he always replies that the Gangster must always be there, without him he would go astray; he would simply get lost as he would not know what's right form wrong, he went on and told her that he needs the Gangster for his own guidance; to know that the cases he goes to war for are righteous. Anyway, he always manages to calm her by telling he...no by promising her that he's always gonna make sure that he's at bay. Anyhow, the Warrior too is a big fan of the comedian...and he's the only one who knows damn sure that the songs of the Rock 'n' Roll artist are poems of the poet.
A Scientist: Of course he's always in his lab working on his experiments or sometimes his test objects...that are sometimes human beings. He does not speak like any of us...as he speaks equations. His words, sentences and languages take brains to grasp. He actually sees life as one great huge lab of his. He believes in the freedom of experimenting..all is allowed to explore, reach, uncover the truth and its facts. As I said he does not mind at all using others as his test objects. He has sex with her because he actually cannot have sex with his test tubes. Nah he says that sex is a language and since none understands this spoken language as it's hard and full of equation...he says let them understand my dick then. He's in dire need of an understanding and appreciative human touch. He says none appreciates the huge promethean effort and many hours he spends in his lab except for the Police Officer who's always keen on being updated on his research results. What's kept in hiding is that the Poet too follows his work and keen on being up to date with what the scientist reaches.
A Politician: He's always smiling at everybody. Even when he knows that they dont believe his smiles and its promises...he says that his smiles tranquilize them..or sedate them all beyon action or any kind of protest; they numbs them...deactivate their alarm system and keeps them at bay. He wants them to believe that he's not that different from them at all. He keeps telling them that he shares their dreams...that he's working on them when in fact he could not be much further away from their dreams. His plan is to keep locking them up inside their dreams boundaries. He's using the Police Officer for that of course. He knows that once they have their dreams fulfilled he's gonna be useless to them and he cannot live like that. Placebo is what he in fact is always offering. He always manages to trick her into coming back and having sex with him. His promises to her are just too irresistible. He know what she lacks and he promises to provide her with it. She's become addicted to his promising promises especially when he promises her stability, balance he promises her a normal life and that he's gonna make it all up to her and he himself is gonna be her lover.
Sports Maniac: When he's on the treadmill..he says God does truly speak to him..that God whispers many secrets about life to his racing mind; he experiences such insight and revelations that're unearthly...but so true. Sports to him is a spiritual practice..more than just a life style. It's needless to say that he's addicted to challenging himself. He loves taking chances and risks. He says the rise in heartbeat is a sign that he's fit for life. He says he's the only who's really fit to truly live experience life for real and all the rest are just 'deadenly' obese...yea he coined that term "Deadenly Obese" much like morbidly obese. He also coined the term "Life Calories" and says he's the only one who's able to burn them all off. He loves the music of the Rock 'n' Roll artist, he says doing sports coupled with his music makes him feel invincible. Additionally, He takes good care of himself when it comes to sleep and nutrition. As mentioned earlier he helps the Man in the Suit with his PE by giving him recipes and nutritional programs. She says that his erections are really the best and most rocky. His penis is huge and even muscular. She says that he's got an insatiable sexual appetite. He makes sex wonders...he gives her triple orgasms..and she goes on by sayin that his body is breathtaking...dripping with masculinity and manhood..got muscles everywhere. She loves feeling his muscle closing in on her. She says that he's the only one she would gladly debase and humiliate herself for in order to experience and feel every muscle of his body inside of her.
Sex Addict: He's hideous...he does not look in the mirror..he aslan can't stand looking at himself...he's a walking hardo-on and he always smells of sex...of filth and shit. He's deranged. He thinks so low of himself...no he does not think in the first place as his mind is always congested with sex thoughts...filthy sex thoughts. Sex to him has turned into some kinda dope that he needs to have in order to be able to stand himself. He's always unsatisfied and needs even more sex, filthy sweat and nudity and genitilia. You can say that his dream is to die while having his filthy sex with someone...he does not mind even contracting any STD; he does not care. As the deal with all Addicts, his sex doses are getting more unsatisfying in very day and every time. Therefore, he's always looking for something extreme thinking it could give him some new or some kinda relief that he has not experienced before. And his ways of having sex have exceeded all limits and boundaries of sanity and even perversion. While with her, he begs her to pee on him and sometimes even to excrement and take shit on him..he too does the same. He love to practice his perversion amidst their collective shit. The smell turns him on. The Gangster uses his ass to look for his lost gang..in return of constantly providing him with fresh virgins. What's not known to anybody else is that the Police Officer uses him in order to spy on monitor all the gangster's moves. The police Officer believes that the Gangster might get outta control at any minute.
A Poet: What a boundlessly talented poet he is. All of his poems are epics of heroism and rebellion and change enforcement. Unfortunately he's a coward and he knows that and he can never ever take responsibility of his poem in real life. He knows that he's sentenced to live his life as just a poet and not a true hero of action. He's doomed to live his days tortured by the thought that he can never translate his poems into action though he knows damn sure that the truth and enlightenment are in his poems...he knows that his poems hold the magical key to many problems and miseries in this world. He's tried many a times before to end his own life. But he's even too coward to go through it till then end. He somehow (unconsciously) manages to inform the Rock 'n' Roll Artist to save him before he "kills" himself. Being not able to act upon what he thinks is right and enforce what should be in reality has made him think of himself as not worthy of this life. His only solace is when he sees the rock and Roll God translate his poems on stage.The reason why he can't actually act upon his poems is because he's a coward and he's scared to death of the Police Officer. So long he can't view himself as a hero he cannot have sex as a hero too...his self-look is kinda broken. He sometimes just sits next to her on the bed and just keeps talking and talking about his misery and psychological torture. But she does not allow this to happen for long as she desperately does her utmost best to help him amend his broken dick and get an erection again. She found that the only way was to get him drunk...only then would he forget his poems and demolished heroism and broken dick..and only then would his dick really rise and stand up for his manhood and drill inside of her like a real man again.

Of course I could say a lot more about each of them but for brevity sakes I wont...well,maybe in future separate posts. Additionally, there were many others in that dim room too with those mentioned above such as A Movie Director and A Judge. For now, Later I may tell u about them.as depicted above the inter relationships between those above are said to be actually even more intricate and deeper than the above mentioned..and it is said that there're way too many secrets that we still don't know about. Maybe in time they will be all revealed. But now I noticed that they all whether directly or indirectly...consciously or unconsciously they all use one another..they all need one another...their existence depend on one another. Yet they can not all live as one.

Certain Sometimes #2 --Too Good

2009-01-04T15:12:00.003+04:00

"Love and do what you will."

St. Augustine

Yeeaaa, there're these certain sometimes too when I honestly feel like I am too damn good to live in this world. Yes dear, I know there're still many good human beings out there...but unfortunately I cant find any of them..maybe it's just my fault as I may not be looking hard enough for them, which makes me wonder are they looking for me aslan too? Well, tab let me rephrase what I said earlier...ok here I go: Sometimes...well most of the times...I feel too humanely good to be living in MY world..yes..my world not this world as u all know it...not this open-source general world you all know or...think u know.

I am just asking...la2 wondering where've those humans who are willing to lovingly slash their sickening and diseasing ego...to fuck it up...for love...or at least for decency, humaneness and care for others gone?!! Where're those who are willing to bleed for love? I need their warmth so bad. I need their sweeet "lunacy"...I need to live their encompassing and angelic dreams...with them, yes with them we can definitely turn those dreams...our dreams into reality...into other instance life...for all of us. Gosh where are they?!! I am soo sick of your deathly coldness...your fearful cautiousness as u may call it..your fucking screwed 'sanity'...you're killing me with ur false bloated self-satisfaction...self-worship...ur endemic epidemic egotistical self-protection, just tell me..I wanna know..do u protect yourself from love?!! You all act and interact so egotistically and deathly cold..like ur not in need of any1...like ur soo fucking big...like ur all the CEOs of the universe. Well I do need you..but not ur diseases...cos I am too good for them and so should u be too.

U know?! there's freedom in love...in its unconditional innocence...there's uncomparable freedom in its foolishness. What would have happened ya3ny if u embraced the free etiquette of love as I did...u know it does not require that much of learning; it rather requires ur innate unhurdled humaneness...don't suppress it. Don't and you'd be genuinely surprised to see how easily it is to master the free etiquette of love. What would have happened ya3ny if u had showed some genuine care for me and others as well?!! You know...you all are precisely as much good and much of a true human beings as tight your hugs really are and apprarantly your arms hardly have any space for anyone...anything except ur own withering width.

Yea, there're these cetrain sometimes when I feel I am too good to be amongst you cos I see that I am the only one who would go crazy for love....say whatever for love...make all of ur defined mistakes for love...and break all the ego-legislated rules and chains for love as well. I am too good to live amongst you as seemingly I am the only one who practices the free etiquette of love...because I am the one who's an "outlaw" amongst you.
----------

PS.

Recently, I have made friends with someone --no not you, wish it really was. But yes u..yea u- who's the closest I have seen to the love I have always wanted. She's love...she's free...she's a bit cautious though. I wonder if it's because she can't believe YET I am real. She's a true human being...she feels guilt..she says "sorry" & "excuse me" she simply cares and she will care even more in time. To her I say "Thanks" your presence is much required and needed in my life.

Presentation

2008-12-24T11:23:00.001+04:00

I am having a presentation soon. Well I have done presentations before and thus I am supposed to have grown comfortable doing them. But knowing that this upcoming presentation is radically and fundamentally different from all other presentations I have done before I can't help but get utterly nervous when just thinking about its approaching date. Although I have been waiting for that day for almost..ever since I've managed to dare having structured dreams of my own, but I am undeniably having some substantially mixed feelings about it...I am just afraid I might get misled by it; cos it's so different from all the rest, you know?!! It's so different that it exceeds being just a presentation...it borders being a demonstration...or dare I say a protestation?!

Oh boy this presentation is gonna be huge...I could picture the widening eyes of spectators swallowing me alive...not believing what's exactly taking place before them...but I reckon that they'd soon want to believe. Well, I kinda must think this way otherwise I would not be able to bring myself to doing it. I'd make sure the show keeps on going just as planned..I just would not respect or pay much attentions to such "disgracing" looks of theirs --spectators' - so long they remain just looks and don't induce the humane urge to ask, inquire and investigate. Only then would such looks be respect-worthy.

I know that my case and presentation are both solid and strong...almost looks-proof. Although I'd be more than prepared to receive all their initial expected questions...I'd own and acknowledge that I don't have all the answers to all their much-later developed and aggravated questions. I will admit that before them all.

{This post is still incomplete.}
{I just felt like publishing it.}

To be continued...

I just wanna say something #2

2008-12-21T22:58:00.003+04:00

Yeaaaa I proudly admit that in all kinds of relationships that I have been in...whether with a boy or a girl, it was never me who put an end to any of them. Yes, it was always the other party. Irreconcilable differences as they would call it...was always the reason behind the termination of our special "love". I was dumped for reasons that range from simply speaking my mind, being too "morbid and dark" and recently for my political views...Gosh!!! I was even once dumped for being too smart and using big words. But, yet I proudly announce that I was never abandoned for not loving the other person enough...for not being sincere and honest enough with the other person. *Siiiiigh* Well, anyway currently...or rather even right now I am in a beautiful relationship with life...yea life herself. We've been seing each other for almost 2 years now. And as usual I am gonna stick to this relationship and do all my best to make it work like never before till I get dismissed or simply asked to leave...ie dumped...yea this time till I get dumped lifeless into my casket...or grave...whatever.

Things I've learnt from the highway

2008-12-11T23:36:00.001+04:00

On a daily basis I use highways...all kinds of them even the most notorious. Therefore, being the frequent highways-rider that I am I have come to learn many lessons and know and notice many things on the road. Here are some of them...

Slow cars always stick together.
This insanely huge car behind you that's deliberately terrorizing you is most probably "worn" by an insecure & cowardly kid...wearing it for the protection of its hiding. Outside their hidings, those kids are nobodies.
On one hand some people are always willing to break the speed limit because they know damn sure how much the involved fine costs and they know too they can handle it as well. On the other hand others break it 'cos they think otherwise they'd be too darn late to ever get there on time -- That's if they do aslan.
There're are always those who would rather get into a potentially deadly accident than be late for a few more minutes.
Some people just don't know the word "Please".
No matter how fast you think you're going you're always slow for somebody else.
If your very current lane is not moving you have two choices; you can either remain put where you are and keep waiting till you're finally released or you know you should really do your best to simply change lanes.
Everybody is just too preoccupied being absorbed into what their radios stations are airing into the inner surrounding of their cars to consciously focus on or take notice of what's ahead of them...let alone right next to them.
In time you'll find out that what's truly bad about highways is the routine driving itself especially if you're a frequent rider --Ooh boy you merely just step on the petrol and then just...wait. Time after time you'd start asking yourself "where's that damn next exit? I dunno where it goes but I have to take it anyway". You'd do anything & take whatever exits to restore that lively look back into your eyes again.
If you don't take that exit...now. I'm afraid this very road itself...or very lane you're on will be your exit.
That raise of the your hand to the guy behind you as a common indicative sign of "Thanks" or "Excuse me, my bad" has the effect of a spell...it's like casting a love potion and it could really get you to a very advanced place on the road too. It just reminds people that we're still humans after all and that's why we should all be here for one another.
There're always those who'd usually take it damn personally if you try to change lanes and/to get "ahead" of them. It's like it's an affrontive offense to their fragile sense of their fake selves.
For your safety and freedom of your movement, you should not only leave enough space between you and who's in front of you but also you have to make sure there's enough space between you and who's behind you.
Highways are the only place where straight lines are not the shortest paths between two points; you'll have to maneuver around. In fact a highway is like one big straight line that gives you the responsible freedom to move sideways while at the same time moving ahead.

Boy I have learnt a lot.

Certain Sometimes #1 --Sorry

2008-12-07T13:08:00.001+04:00

There're always these sometimes when I feel that I ought to sincerely say I am SORRY to life..yeaa I AM S.OR.R.Y to life herself. Sorry for all these chances she's been wondrously giving me...exclusively just for me and all these times when I have been foolishly passing up on them...turning them down in cold and deathly unappreciative manner. I really ought to say sorry for all these times life's been understandingly listening to me and my complaints, wishes and hopes and dreams so as just to then act and conspire so loyally and divinely with all the forces of the universe and grap all my demands and wishes into its spacious and surreal zone of reality...only to find me afterwards enwrapped with chains that I have myself tightened around my own life. I am sorry for all these times when I have been given by life the several generous chances of freedom to grab my life path by the horn and spear as a knight while vanquishing all the darkness along my life's path towards life's waiting and welcoming arms ...I am sorry for I could not do it as I was cowering into my past...like a breathless body sack.

I dont wanna say much I just would like to say sorry...for all these times life's put its trust in my curious humanity and been betrayed, for all these times life's bet on me and then lost, for all these times I did not live up to life's promises...for all these times I could not believe life and believe how godly generous, miraculous it could be and always is. I am sorry for all these times I disappointed life. Life, here I do say sorry for all these times when I acted like a mere lifeless corpse. I am sorry because I obviously give you..life a bad name that you shiningly dont deserve.

Life I am sorry...but not for long I promise...as the revolution is coming.

Happy Song

2008-12-06T09:51:00.004+04:00

I am searching for a happy song...my own happy song; a song that could sustain its melodious drumming in spite of whatever severe attenuations that might face it. A song that renews and replenishes its rhythm so that it could constantly and quite simply reanimate the surrounding deadening stillness and muteness around it regardless of however still, stagnant and cold the dance floor may actually feel for the moment. A song that changes...that conquers and colorfully chases out deafness and replaces its segregating muteness with its own pumping glory.

I am looking for this happy song that would break off all the fetters around my glorious identity and encompass me with its tranquilizing compassion to spill me into fusion along with its flowing humane grace...a song to give free rein to the slyness of my inner smiles...to my frictionless imagination and my everlasting hope...

This happy song may re-tune, re-attune, re-adjust or vary its beat to range it from pure nuclear fury all the way down to hopeful surrender but it can never lose its dancing flames that always send rays of art along my vision paths to put colors back where they belong...and that introduces originality, uniqueness and creativity so as to light up and populate all the barren dark areas of that one grayed masterpiece of a painting before my deafened senses with its audacious warm and glorious light.

Where's that happy song...that conforms to no dance whatsoever but mine?!!
Where's that happy song...that follows and provokes and lifes no other dancer but me?!!

I have come to realise that you...yes you are my happy song.

Things I'll teach my kids

2008-11-27T13:43:00.010+04:00

"One of the hardest things to teach a child is that the truth is more important than the consequences."

OA Battista

Never be afraid or ashamed of their differences.
Fear alone is not a reason at all not to do a certain thing.
Leaders first 'lead' their lives before anybody else.
Not let their minds be hacked by others' realities, definitions or doubt.
There's no dignity but the dignity of the human mind.
To not be imprisoned by others' narrowing "love" and not allow themselves to be molded in their cold hearts. The best way to test the truthfulness of their love is by being yourself.
There's no right or wrong...they're allowed to do anything so long they feel absolutely innocent about it.
The diff. between drama and glory is that in Drama the dramatic identify themselves with their tears and do not do anything for the sake of preserving that identity while in glory the hero dies for their precious flags.
Whether boy or girl, when in love with anybody. Go tell them...NOW.
The final point is to eventually die for what they love.
The best way to burn off these excessive life calories is to run towards life and not away from it.
Will is the secret most vital muscle...in the Gym of life.
There's no such a thing as "The Right Religion" for all of the people. A right religion is the one which acknowledges your curiosity and gives you bountiful confidence and faith-in-your-humanity to liberally experience and see the unknown.
How to see themselves in those around them and to know that arrogance is hating others for "their" shortcomings and mistakes and thinking that theirs are better humanely justified than others'.
When there's anything that's wrong, they should not act as if all things are perfect and as they should be.

To be continued...
I'll keep updating/modifying this list in separate future posts...

Q. & A. # 7

2008-11-26T15:30:00.018+04:00

At the work place...(and sometimes at home too)
I was at my PC coding away...trying to passionately develop and tailor or rather sew a new coherent and cohesive groundbreaking script of logic, crunched mainly out of blunt code. Truth be told, I was going slightly 'mad' while at it.

Then I started thinking about what name I am gonna give to this new file. "it must have something to do with possibilities...la2 simplicity, independence and straightforwardness...but bass who would understand all of this, given their current stagnant and lame way of coding?!! and..."

"What do u love that much about coding?!!!" A colleague asked.
I: "Oh hello fellow coder...well many things actually but most notably is that it simply tells you 'you're wrong' to your face...regardless of how possessively you try to buy or rather bribe its mind...compromise its equations and unique identity. What I like about programming languages is that they're proud and does not appreciate our pathetic attempts to wipe away their defining differences..."
Colleague: "AAH I now see why u can't talk like the rest of us. It's 'cos u even talk programming...a code like a machine. You're nuts."
I: "Well, you asked for an answer...and btw I am a developer by nature...while you'll always remain just a 'coder'...a one language conformist coder."

That's when that very colleague started walking away...with a heavy face in the direction of the manager's office.

Faith

2008-11-15T13:52:00.019+04:00

When it comes to courage or self-confidence, I can not think of any character that's better and more genuine than Satan himself who has got to be its undisputed one and only defining hero. He had single-handedly stood before God himself not fearing anything and courageously voiced his opinions and presented his case both fearlessly & clearly knowing that it was a completely unprecedented act form anyone...or anything up to his time. Yet, he willingly took that plunge. Satan explicitly stood for something...pure unhindered heroism.

Satan defied God...in his presence...or rather he did it to his face. He did not hide or hesitate...he performed that deliberate sin before the eyes of all the ones present at that time upon that stage...he performed it giving up on and sacrificing his everything including his high-ranking status for the sake of his case and invaluable right of freedom of speech. Satan surely BELIEVED in the righteousness of every word of what he was saying. Satan had boundless faith in himself and his case...he had more faith in himself than he had in God. He undoubtedly did have the unshakable conviction that if he did not get his way after he made his logic clear...there had got to be something direly wrong with the whole system and reality he had been serving up to that point.

Did he think about the consequences of what he was saying? Did his knees even buckle while on that stage? Well, what matters is that Satan deliberately and shamelessly performed so perfectly and outwardly that mutinous sin of his own...before them all...all others...he did what he thought was divinely right...he had his own identity...his own logic..he used it...manifested its unique light. He was not deterred by the sheer unprecedented originality of its nature. He truly was and still is an unexampled hero of courage and self-confidence. He is the very first of all heroes anyway....the 'god father' of them all...he led a revolution that cost him 'eternal' paradise and us our sanity and may as well our own touch with reality too.

I am all for you..

2008-11-10T21:50:00.003+04:00

If you merely just wanna say anything to me...just utter it into my listening existence.
Wanna stop me to simply just offload your entire self on to me? I do encourage you to.
Wanna take anything you need from me? I won't stop you at all...I will even guide u to where u can find it.
Wanna even just use me to the thinnest layer? I'll tirelessly allow you.
But please do not just eye me in depravity like this.

I just wanna say something...

2008-11-10T21:00:00.002+04:00

I've just never seen an engineer who's eagerly doing all he can to deliberately fail all of his projects like God himself is doing to this life.

Well, you might say and probably will anyway that 'it's not God...it's rather us'. Well, let me remind you that so long that Hell and Paradise were both inexcusably created by God and not us to be purposelessly filled afterwards for eternity with us, then it's got to be the incurable ego of God himself who's the gleeful and proud star behind all of these failings and torturous drama...and ya not ours.

Q. & A. # 6

2008-11-04T10:56:00.016+04:00

I was patiently waiting for him holding my big mug of Green Tea; my favorite drink when I am having this repugnant aversion towards all 'milky' drinks. Yea, It's like I sometimes become fully saturated with it to the point when I find myself involuntarily repulsed by even the faintest taste of milk. That's when Green Tea serves as my 'Purifier'. Now, I am about to finish my big mug of Green Tea and he has not come back yet from the Men's Room to order his usually milky drink. Well, since I know that friend of mine quite well...I think I had an idea what was locking him all up all that long in the Men's rest-room. "AAAh, there he comes.." I thought to myself as I saw him nearing the spacious opposite-to-mine comfy armchair. He instantly threw himself in the arms of that embracing armchair, took some deep breathes to regulate his breathing...before I uttered this:

"You look like you need a milkshake...or at least a big jug of hot-chocolate or something."
He: "I do wonder...why can't just too much sex be ever enough?"
I (A deep Sigh): "You really wanna find out why?"
He: "Please..."
I (Here I go): "Well, Sex..unlike to some extent both food and drinks is mainly a requirement of the soul. In contrast to the general prevailing misconception held by many ppl...it's not as solely physical as it is in fact a deeply intruuusive spiritual...soul practice; I'd like to simply think of sex as a full-on process of soul liberation. Mmm when you're having sex with someone...else of course...ha...your bodies then become a tool or an interface being utilized by your raging souls...so again when intercoursing what happens actually is that the souls of you two strive so violently to meet into completion and reunite once again together...it's like your souls are actually being withheld so closely under the collective skins of you two...and the only way to help your soul quench its desire to kind of feel...find or at least touch your partner's surfaced perking soul to complete itself is to go deeeply inside that partner's inner existence...and now, how else would you get past that partner's skin other than by penetrating each and every hole possible?!! That's when you decide to immerse your erect penis inside your partner's physical holes hoping to make a spiritual channel for the souls of you two to meet under in order to finish off and crown its voracious completion-oriented lust...but as obvious that channel is only temporary...and after a while that spiritual hunger strikes again & one can't help but lust to construct that soul channel again. Therefore the only way to have one hell of enough sex is to either perish and dissolve with your partner into physical extinction while u 2 are wildly and crazily having your 'perverted' sex...that way your souls would unite into completion somewhere else outta either of ur bodies.....mmm the other way is to figure out a way to insert your whole self inside of your sex partner....not just your dick this time, get it?"
He (a gaping maw...gazing at me in disbelief):.....
I: "Well, then I think u'll need a big mug of hot chocolate...won't ya?"

Wrong Wrong Wrong!!!!!!!

2008-10-29T21:50:00.057+04:00

I was once asked by a friend of mine who's just happened to be wondering about whatever wise reason girls might have been brought into this creation for, I answered him just as wisely saying that "they exist to keep on reminding all of us men of our current male waksa...that we're not men enough any more for any of them...regardless of how we think we are; we're not that testosteronical after all...that we're but the life impotents". I really do wonder why I don't see almost any boys anymore these days taking those steps to tell girls 'Hey, I love you'...I don't even see boys approaching girls they like and talking to them anymore. They just love to endlessly yap to me about their beauty from afar and I keep on telling all of those yappers that I don't wanna listen to any more of their pouring helplessness and that they either go do something to prove the nobility and genuity of their alleged feelings or shut the fuck up and keep on embracing their impotence.

But I digress...

Isn't it high time someone already went absolutely crazy for that one thing...that one surrealist dreamy moment!!! when all things finally make an unprecedented sense, when all dreams come true...that's when all the words get spoken and all sanities broken. What the hell are we all waiting for? Are we waiting till we age beyond any possible action that can be taken from our side?!! We ought to remind ourselves that life does not wait; Life is immortal but our own are not.

Starting from birth up till death, one tries so desperately and pathetically to find that one thing...one meaning...that's worth making all the mistakes for.

So, instead of meaninglessly struggling so vainly to pointlessly win everything I wanna see someone who's completely willing to lose and drop everything for just an encompassing meaning; a diff. sanity of his own...for his exclusive love...a loving boy willing to truly humiliate himself so sincerely and dedicatingly for his deserving love...a performer losing all of his ego and all of his last parting inhales for that last time he gets up on that stage to carry out that last deathly chilling performance of his...an actor spending every bit of himself for that one last groundbreaking act of his. These days one can scarcely find a poet who's willing to rhyme his death to the ending verse of his last aggravating poem, or a rocking singer who's ready to give up all he's got just to be in the possession of a mic for the last time he screams his words in. Like a patriot at war dedicated to the meaning of his flag...I just wanna find someone who's ready to sell their body in return of the immortality of their soul...I just wanna find someone who knows damn sure that he's gonna die with a smile on his face.

You know who're on the other side of this entry?!!! They're the suicide bombers themselves; humanity's endeared martyrs of meaninglessness.

"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane."

- Philip K. Dick